Bingo!

Yay! They liked it very much! Yay team! Yay me!

Bleh! I went to bed at half past six cause I was so tired just wanted to sleep for an hour or so and my alarm never went off so I woke at 11ish. So now I am like not tired at all lolz. So the cycle continues.

And ffs I kinda need energy for tomorrow!!!

I watched the film Nine today. Geez the acting, cine, production design, costumes, sound design and art direction was spectacular! It must have taken an immense effort to pull off such a huge production with such flair! Respect. The film as a whole is entertaining and good. Not great.

Is it just my msn tripping out? Can't even log on for the past three days....ffs stupid pc. So glad I don't really have to work on it any longer!

Well maybe I should prolly go cause I have another presentation for the other project I did tomorrowz so yeah better look fresh and sexy!

See ya later biatches!!!

Love and peace,

xXx

NERD

I am such a nerd sometimes!

So today one of my gf's came over to like do some work on my Mac, cause I have the software we use at uni. She spent like half the day in my room, but I didn't mind cause I was watching American Idol. BTW OMG Aaron Kelly is the cutest little thing I have seen in a while!!!

Nway, so she left at like 10ish. Then she was saying that no one in her group did a poster or DVD cover. So I was liek fuck it I'll do it. I mean ffs there are ten people in her group. They are so lazy. So I did it. I learned so much. I kinda tought myself photoshop tonight and I am quite proud. The poster looks really good even by my standards. Not very happy with dvd cover, but meh it is not that shit either.

So we are having final screening tomorrow. Hope people like my project! Only time will tell.
Wish me luck biatches!!!

Mmm what a wonderful week ahead!

P.S. Welcome to ANDY and AHGB

Peace and love,

xXx

HOLIDAYS

Well okay not entirely, but close enough.

All my projects and classes are done so now it is just end of term shit that needs to come and go and then I am free for a month!!!!!!!

I am so looking forward to this holiday!!! A lot of fun things will be happening.

I am also thinking of going camping. I love nature and I need to get centred after a crazy term. I know that I have not been posting very often this month. I am getting the feeling I will be binge posting for the rest of this blog's existence.

It is just the way my life works at the moment. I am crazy busy for like two months and then it stops dead for the next one. This cycle kinda continues. So yeah there you have it.

I am SOOOOO happy with my project. So that is all fine and dandy.
Now I just hope I can follow it up.

Sad to read that Wolfy is kinda not gonna blog anymore. Also, I am kinda missing some of the peeps on my blog roll. PLEASE COME BACK!!!

Anywayz, I have this end of term party tomorowz! It is gonna be EPIC!!!! Will post about it when I have the chance.

Hope everyone is doing good.

P.S. Welcome to Phunk Factor

Geez Imma bad boy

Hey guys

I am so sorry for posting so infrequently these days. I am experiencing a heavy work load and such. I will be on holiday for a month soon (starting in two weeks). So then I will be able to keep u updated more often!

So everything is coming together for my project. Tomorrow I am having a meeting with a crew member to finialize all the small details and then on Tuesday it is the big event. Im a bit bummed cause the project will not be able to match my vision because of budget constraints.

In other news. One of my best bloggin budz is a bit sick. His name is Charlie! He is actually a unicorn u know?!
So if u ain't planning on making him some chicken soup at least tell him to get better or sumthing. Geez, it is not like u have something better to do with ur life...hehe

Nearly failed one of my practical exams. I got 52%! FML! This is the lowest mar I have ever received in my life BY FAR! I am not feeling to bad since more then half of the class actually failed. Pass rate is 50%! Guess who has karma on his side... Anyway I still wanna redo the exam, cause this is just embarrassing to the max.

My hormones are really wacked the past two months. I am like really urm like frustrated most of the time. I dunno why this is happening. Isn't this suppose to go away when u are so fucking old like me. Geez I am nearly half dead. Bleh!

Where did all the days go to....

Love, peace and wrinkles,

xXx

Yummy

Ey biatches!

I saw Alice In Wonderland today - 3D. Was shit in terms of the narrative. It is a visual feast though. Bet it will garner 4 Oscar nods: Costume, Make-up, Visual effects and Art direction. Bleh, although I am a Tim Burton fan of sorts I really don't get some of the quirks in his films. My fav Tim Burton film is Sweeney Todd: The demon barber of Fleet Street.

I have a presentation due for Thursday and Friday and Next Tuesday will be the biggest day of the terms since I am shooting my project YAY! Just hopes it works out. The producer started to fuck up a bit in the end and now I have to step in and try to salvage what I can. FFS!!!!

I am currently not using Twitter anymore. I tried, just isn't working out for me. It is tooooOOOO lame really hehe. Won't be deleting the account - maybe I'll check in from time to time. This is also true a bit for MSN. Sorry bout this. From I got my Mac I don't use my pc that often anymore.

OMG! Have been spotting the most amazing hotties on earth the past few days. So tempting me. I am going mad mad MAD!!!!

Recently discovered the dude in the pic (Tyler Bachtel). OMG he is one of the hottest people I have ever seen. He is sooo damn fit. Yummy!

U are my bitch!

Eya!!!!

I am back, bitches!!!!

So geez long time no chat. I have never been this busy in my entire like sexy existence!

I haven't slept for more than 4 hours for over 8 or nine days (who is keeping count, eh?!)

Yet, it was good hard honest work. And I was interested in it so it wasn't a schlep to do. Just wish they gave us more time to pace ourselves.

I didn't go to class on Friday, When i woke I had severe cramps. Stupid spastic colon. Happens if u stress and don't eat right. Someone wanna come Dr me to health?

So anyway couldn't go out tonight as planned cause I had to catch up the work that I missed when laying in bed like a pissy with pain. But now I am done. I have loads left, but nothing as majour.

So my trip to the festival is still on and I am planning to make it a great day! I am gonna catch up with a few friends and I'm really looking forward to that.

AHHH a first for Joshy: Today I spoke over the phone with a fellow blogger...it was nice...'-)

I am listening to a song from a French album of Celine Dion. The song playing right now is the translation of "If that's what it takes". Gawhsss it is an amazing melody.

Makes me feel alive.

Peace and love,

xXx

Passion

Wow what an incredibel feeling to experience!

Working so hard on something u love so much is so rewarding. Yeah it is tiring true, but it gives one a sence of validation. It is great finding a passion and getting the oppertunity to nurture it as a career.

Yet again this post will not take up too much space cause at the moment I am still busy with work. I just decided to take a quick break and make a post since it is already a new month GEEZ!!!!!

Looking forward to Friday night and Saturday since I have decided to take a deserved break and will go to a mini drama festival and check some thatre shows. Yes ofcourse afterwards I will go pardy - DUH?! It is me we are talking about here!!!! ;-)

In other news I have two new German buddies arriving tomorow. I will not be able to see them that much during their six weeks stay, but I am amped to make some new friends!

I am sorry for being so absent in your comment box. Yes u reading this.

P.S. Welcome to the new followers! (Daemon, Seraphim, Robert) Yay!!!! Thanx so much!!!!

All work and no play

Geez I am way tired.

It is about 1AM and I am still up doing work. Havn't rested this weekend and I won't be able to either. I will have to go to bed soon and then get up way early and work to the early morning hours agin. In fact this will be my entire week. I hope I cope. I bet I will. People arn't such pussies as we liek to believe.

I know I havnt' posted like in a few days. I think this is the longest gap ever between my post.

At least I got some kewl news. I do not know if I am allowed to share, so for now it is my little secret.

Peace, love and apologies,

xXx

Ready, steady, FAIL

As u guys know I am still not out to my parents.

After this weekend and all that went with it I decided yesterday to write a letter to them. I have chosen this as my method of coming out. I will address one letter to both of them.

May seem silly for two reason:

I have not written the letter. I have only committed to it. This is a big step for me. In the past I would just not think about it. Yeah sure I would think about it, but not with the intention of following through as this time.

The second reason this may seem silly is because I have chosen a letter. Some may think this cowardly. I have taken this into consideration, but I have come to the conclusion that it would be in fact the best method/medium.

Here are my reasons:

1) I want to let them know all my thoughts and feelings - I am scared that I would forget something out. One only gets this one oppertunity to do it right.
2) I will have one of the following two reactions if a conversation would take place: I would be tactless, too forceful or I would cry so much that i would appear weak. The second one I will not allow. I do not want to seem millitant when I they hear the news. I want them to see that I am their loving son.
3) I am planning to go away for a weekend and leaving the letter to them. This will give all parties the oppertunity to clear their minds and gather their thoughts, before we speak about it in person. Also, in the event that I am disowned it would be less awkward as I could just not come back. (Yeah I am packing my Mac lolz)
3) I am good with words as a method of justification and clarification. I will make them understand.

Now what i want to know is how foolish, insensitive and selfish am I being?
I mean fuck I the one living in fear here not them...

Come to think of it if one makes the step to come it u activly make a conscious decision that u are willing to loose ur family.

As hard as this is I see no other way. I have to be true to myself.

Nway so I have a off day today and had to do so much work, but I got obsessed witth the letter. This morning I had to go to the bank and then drop my dad at work cause my car went in for a service and my mom wants a car at home all the time. When we walked into the bank he nudged me and said: "Did u check that queer?" It was obviously said in a negative tone of voice.

So once again my inspiration to write the letter has vanished. BTW I have thought about reading the letter out loud to them. But in an attempt not to cry I will be blocking out any emotion. It will not work. I do not want to be cold.

FML..wait...not so much I am such a happy person who is blessed and I am extremly grateful for everything in my life.

I feel the beauty around me and I sing

Peace and love,

xXx

Third time lucky?!

Guess who has been a naughty boy...

So I had the most amazingly lekker weekend! It was so much fun and now I have so much work to do until next Friday that I am gonna declare an official code red status in my life.

Bleh!

Actually, WAIT! I don't mind - I LOVE WHAT I DO SO MUCH!!!! It is not work. It is creating art. Wow! I am such a lucky boy. I do what I love.

Nway back to naughty boy Joshy. I had the flat warming on Friday, remember?! Well let us just say we kinda robbed a liquor store. (Legal drinking age in SA = 18) Between the 7 of us we had:

5 liters of punch
3 bottles vodka
2 bottles champagne/sparkling wine
1 bottle wine
A few beers after we decided to go to a club...

Sounds like new years, right?! Well it basically was for me...haha! By ten the security had called and gave us a warning for making too much noise. This was after a girl broke down the bathroom door ahahah! So random. She is so petite we didn't think it possible. This same girl later the evening rolled down a hill for about a minute. We were laughing so hard we just let her roll to the end of it. It was priceless!

Got quite a surprise when a police van pulled up next to us. But soon we heard they are just scouting the area for some fucking drug dealers or whatever. Yay SA! Lolz!

Nway, the best part of the night had to be my new fav pardy trick! Before we left for the club someone appointed me as "Vodka boy". This entailed me walking around and pouring ludicrous amounts of vodka down willing people's throat. I was like "And what do I get out of it?" The answer: "A kiss"... So then I got the idea: Every person that takes a sip has to kiss me.

So this one girl took a sip. We kiss. The next one lined up. We kiss. Then the third one was a boy. I was LIKE FUCK YEAH!!!! I gave him vodka. I Look at him. He smiled. I went in for the kill. Lol! It was honestly kinda hot and not as slutty as it sounds. Meh, all in good fun though!

Haha the same girl that did all those stupidly funny thing during the night apparently thought this too much for her so while I was on top of the boy she came running towards me screaming: "No no no lol don't don't...ur bi ur bi!" At this point the entire room broke into wild laughter haha shame she is so sweet. She isn't a homophobe though I think she was just shocked cause she didn't know about me and she was one of the girls that I had kissed.

OoOoOO, btw I was the boy's first guy action ever. Yay me - I broke in a boy! Gosh, he was lank hot! Grrrrr!

Fuckz what a great night!

On Saturday they all came to my town and we went out again, but we all got tired and went home early. Was still fun. One of my (str8) guy friends slept over and it was all fun! Then today I had to visit all my other friends cause I won't be seeing them soon. So it took me 5 trips to go round everyone. I feel blessed to even say that. I have so much friends. I love them.

Life is good.

Peace and love,

xXx

17.8

Toy shop

Not just any old toy shop. Today I ventured into the unknown. Me and a friend went to an adult supply shop. Lolz. I was so freakin nervous when we approached it. Haha how stupid and paranoid can one be?! But I mean imagine how awkward it would be if u spot someone u know lolz!!!!

Nway was browsing through the toys and OMG I want one lolz. Didn't buy anything = was just window shopping and all. Lolz. I first have to find a place to hide the stupid thing. Lol. Saw one that is urm cute lolz. It is purple and 17,8 cm lolz OMG WTF!!! ME = WHORE!!!!

Got a nice compliment today. A girl I am friends with said to me that she and another person had discussed me the previous day. She told me that they came to the conclusion that I "fill up a pair of jeans damn good". YAY ME!!!!

I have to go write three reviews so maybe I'll post some more later.
I skipped my idea for the post today. If i get time later I will post it. I am kinda keen to share it with u.

Okay ladies see u later.

Peace and love,

xXx

The music

I am so hyped right now!!!

As u well know by now my entire existance is soley dependant on music. It is in every fibe of my being. The reason that I am so amped is beacuse I just discovvered my fm transmiter in my closet. So now I can use my USB in the car agian. This is so awesome - esspecially seeing that I have a 2 hour commute everyday. Music is what keeps me sane.

I thought I would give u guys all the oppertunity to name one of ur fav songs of all time or just a song that u like at the moment and I will include this on my playlist! Yay!

I am planning what I think is a kewl post for tomorow. It will require some interactivity. I hope that u guys wil buy into it. If not FML and then we die. Haha!

So Thursday and Friday is 9-5 uni for me and then on Friday evening I have a flat warming at one of my girl friends' flat. There will be at least two gay guys. EECK! Nervous a bit. I usually get attention and then I don't know how to cope with it. I think I'll just start drinking well before they arrive. Then I will be lank willing to chat them up whahah! Social lubricant of choice: Vodka!



Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy...

P.S. Welcome Robert!

Cheers vir eers

Peace and love,

xXx

Today's post: Part two

Hey this is just to let u guys know that I have put up a new poll.
So please go and vote if u feel like it. I already did!

Be sure to check out my previous post of the day!

Peacer and love,

xXx

Cuties are everywhere

Well hello good people of blogworld!

What an interesting day...so far! Decided to go into uni earlier to get some much needed work done. Didn't happen. I got there and was feeling so social that I ended up having a great chat with all my friends! Good times!

OMW! One of my gf's got this one amazingly cute guy to come speak with us. So I have one big ass crush on his cute face! And so I spoke with him and we teased the girl and he laughed at all my jokes. EGO BOOST! Lolz! So that was all good and well! ;-p

Then I had three hours of boring class and had do go do a exercise which took me hours. So I got home at 21h. Bleh FML! Would have been here much earlier but this girl asked me for a lift, cause her mother's car broke down. It took me 40min to drop her, but bleh it is okay - my good deed for the day.

Ah more boy news rather!? There is this 4th year at my uni and he is also a model. Gawd he is one of the most amazing creations I have ever seen! And I get the oppertunity of seeing him almost everyday. It makes my life so much better. Don't get me wrong. looks ain't everything, but I study art for a living and he is a damn masterpiece. *Drools*

Meh, bleh, pfft! Have some essay to do tonight still, but yeah I'll leave that for later. I wanted to post first and keep u guys up to date.

I am still obsessed with my iMac. It has increased my life quality so much lolz! Just sux - my external hard drive is not compatible with mac so geez there goes some more money down the drain. Lolz. Maybe I should make it my dirty PC porn storage. O, wait I don't watch porn. (No not like never, but I am just over it for now. To much of a good thing, eh?)

Nway fuckers. I'll leave ya to it. I have to go read ur stuff now, so I'm off.

P.S. Welcome GMB!

Peace and love,

xXx

My first...

So I have been running this blog since the end of December. Usually I get about 30 hits if I am lucky. But today this has changed a bit. I have had over 100 hits already. This is quite puzzling to me. Obviously someone mentioned me and that person has got to be very popular loz!

So after playing Sherlock Holmes (aka Sam told me) I found that the person responsible for this surge of interest is Seth!

Seth u are freakin AWESOME! THANX MAN!

So come on, let me entertain u!

A while back I gave my followers carte blanche to suggest a topic for a post. I will start with one today.

My firsts

My first time getting my hair coloured: 13
The first time I was operated on: 3 Weeks old
My first crush: Age 7
My first time kissing a girl: 17
My first time driving a car: 18
My first time kissing a guy: 16
My first time being drunk: 12
My first time going away from home alone: 12
My first time...ya know: 16
My first time admitting my sexuality: 15
My first time eating sushi: 17 (MY FAV FOOD!!!)
First time watching porn: 12
My firt million: bleh fml still working on it.

Mkay, that seems like enough for now. If u wanna know more feel free to ask in the comments section and I will prolly oblige u with an answer.

On a different note, my uni is getting quite hectic. this term ends on April 1. By then I still have left to do:

21 Assignments
3 tests/exams
6 Presentations
2 Shoots

So imma be a busy boy this next month. But don\t fear I will still post very often. As u know by now I am quite addicted to u...

P.S. This is my second post for the day!

Peace and love,

xXx

OMG YUMMY

Okay guys this will be a very short post. I am quite busy and have loads of work to do. I am planning on making a decent post later on tonight, but I have to take time to pay homage to a very yummy fashion trend where I live at the moment.

Men's short shorts...

*DROOLS*

It is absurd! I am constantly facing yummy legs and I am finding it very hard to not jump them legs...

Short shorts thou art a heartless bitch!

P.S. WELCOME to michaelluke and oldmidhurstian

Peace, love and hormones,

xXx

MAC MAC MAC

I am so in heaven right now!!!

I am typing my first official post from my new iMAC!!!!
U guys have no idea how thrilled I am. I hate my old stupid pc and stupid microsoft windows.

FUCK U FOREVER!!!!

I am so amped to get Final Cut Pro and get some majour practise in.

On another note: To all my sexy fuckers...

HAPPY V-DAY I HOPE ALL LOSE THEIR V-PLATES!

I am so single and I am so looking!

Geez this post was so lame I will try harder in the future. I am just so amped to get back to exploring my mac that I don't know what to say.

I will get to the posts u asked for in this week!

Have a great week!

P.S. Welcome Seth and Charlie!!!!

Peace and love,

xXx

A new day dawns

So today was good.

I have such a wonderful life and amazing support system. I feel like shit for not coming out to my parents. I can't believe I am doubting their response.

Today I slept in late like untill about 11h ish and then I wen to class to 17h. Came home about 18h and then we had a braai. Invited three of my galz over for some drinking and they just went home.

GREAT FUN AHEAD!!!

We rented a house by the sea for the weekend! so mommy and dad said (lolz yeah I am really 20) that I can bring two people with. So I am taking two of my fav fag hags with me lolz. They call them my "Grace". U work it out lol! Nway, mom was like "Ah gwad just don't bring some prune, I wanna have some company with spunk!"

Fuck me, I love my mom!!!

My dad added that they must each bring a bottle of vodka if they wanna get in the car.

Fuck me, I love my dad!!!

In other news!!!! I am ordering my iMac tomorrow. FML DEBT here I come. But I have to. I will just work hard and pay it off or something lolz! Any takers ;-p

So, wait I should be heading off to bed I have a full day of classes laying ahead and two meeting so...bleh!

But wait there is more: Hopefully I am not to tired after class cause I have a b-day bash at a club so I have to be full of energy cause everyone is expecting me to be the life of the pardy and I have already apparently promised the bday girl a lap dance.

FML!

Peace and love,

xXx

The Hope Factor

Mission: Deconfusing the followers

Oke so I admit that I only let u guys get the bare minimal facts about what happened.

But firstly, I miss Habibi!!!

Nway, don't mind that if u don't catch it.

Okay, so nothing majours happened yesterday. Something significant did however occur. It was a pebble in my pond and I am dealing with the ripples.

I was not a fool to believe in what I did. There was always the hope factor. I was not led on explicitly, yet sometimes I actually was. But in this tale there lies much more subtle hints and flirtation...binging on my deepest desires...

Guys 6 years is a long time and as most of u will know that much effort can not be sustained without any form of "gratification".

That being said. I gave my all. I did more then most people will ever give. I have been weighed, I have been measured and I have been found wanting or whateva...

At least apparently I was considered, which means that I did do enough in order to be satisfied in my attempy and have no regrets in never having it progress any further.

Truth is he grew out of it. I never did.

But now as I stand here today and look back I can already see the cracks and the flaws and truth be told: There was/is too much between us.

I did not give up. I really didn't. I have gone a far a humanly possible.But no longer. I have to maintain a sense of self respect. I have offered my self to the extreme. I have exploited my soul. This in itself is so unhealthy. I knew this. But as I said...the hope factor...

I had a discussion yesterday. The question was raised: What is the reason behind it all? I answered: The reason lies intertwined between the future we decide upon and the past we choose to define.

I am going to be proud of myself for standing up for what i believe in. Yes I did thing I am not proud of. But and how ironic that he taught me this:

Life is too short to live blind folded with regret.

The part that freaks me most is that I am so accepting of all this. I think I have been preparing myself for over a year.

I do not accept defeat. I will only be defeated if I stay on like this any longer.

Today I am a new man.

Bleh, a young man. And I have new goals in sight.

Watch this space!

Love and peace,

xXx

Numb

I am so very much in emotional pain right now...

I've never spoken about this on here, but something just happened and I need to.

My best friend...

Oh my, where should I start...

He is the most amazing person to me in the entire world. One of only two people I would lay my life down for without thinking about it. (Mommy, if u were wondering!)

And yes duh I am in love with him.

We have been friends for over 12 years. He has such a profound influence on me. I kinda don't even know what my life would have been without him. Ludicrous.

We have gone through everything. Majour ups, downs. He is my life. I love him so fucking much.

Let us not to the marriage of true minds, eh?

I am such a fool.

I am so confused and hurt. I have been knowlingly in love with him for at least 6 years.

He knows we have had so much discussions on it.

But tonight with one sentece he crushed my world. I am feeling so numb.

This is it, Josh. The day u have been dreading for all those years. This is the night you have to let go...

...help...