100

I cant really believe I made it.

100 Posts...

Wow! I never thought I would be able to stick around for so long. With all the other blogs closing down i thought I would be gone by now too. But NAH! This is such a great great escape for me. Although I have started posting less I still feel the need to blog every now and then. So I don't think I'll be gone too soon.

So geez. The blog turned one year old the other day. It feels longer ago that I started this. So much has happened. I CAME OUT! And I kid u not when saying that creating this blog lead to the best experience of my life - without a doubt. I met someone via my blog. We met up. We fell In love. He is the love of my life...unfortunately life happened and we aren't together anymore.

Distance.

Meh. I love airports. I hate airports. I'll never forget that day I had to say goodbye to you... Some days it keeps playing over and over in my mind, I tried to be so strong, cause u were gonna be alone after u left. But as u vanished behind the corner I had a complete breakdown. People were staring at me like I was demented. I struggled to walk to the car and kinda hyperventilated for a few minutes. I remember vividly looking into the face of an older woman and seeing her eyes tear up. I'll never forget her face.

I still remember the last kiss. The tears streaming between us. I still remember the last time I touched ur hand and the last look we gave each other. I remember not being able to stop thinking about u and the smile u put on my face when u called me from the plane. Trying to fight the tears as much as u could... I love u so much.

Will I ever see you again?

It is now six months later and yut I only keep loving u more. And I know that u say I should move on. But I can't help how I feel. U have been the best thing in my life. And I would give anything to hold u again. U have been one of the best friends in my life and I will never ever ever forget what u did for me. U helped me so much as a person. U helped me grow to such an extent that I cannot describe it.

You are so beautiful to me.

I love you...

Urm there has also been a lot of other people that has played such a big role in my life. U guys mean so much to me. U are there for me when no one else is around and I love u guys for that. I learn so much from u and I'm sure I would have been way worse off if I did not have the privilege to know u all. Im gonna mention a fe people that come to my mind atm. Please do not feel offended if I leave u out cause I am in a bit of a state, so my mind isn't functioning that well. Don't worry It is happy tears >.<


Tyler, I know we aren't close or anything. But I have told u before that u were the first blog that I ever read. U were my inspiration for starting to bthis journey. Thank you so much for ur contribution.

Charlie. U vanished from the face of the earth. But I still just want to thank u for all the fun times we had. Ur such a nice guy and I hope that ur doing okay?

Tim. I know we aren't on the best of terms atm, but u have meant so so so so much too me over the past year. I hope that we will soon rekindle the friendship that means so much to I think both of us. Thank u for always being there any listening to my stupidity.

Wayner. What would we do without u? Ur the go to guy of the gay blog world. Sometimes I feel my posts are too silly to publish. But then knowing that u will leave a comment makes me do it anyway. Ur support and advice goes a long way.

AJ. Although u have left blogging world, u haven't left my heart. I love our chats and I love ur sense of humour. As u know music is my life and I love the fact that u always love to tell me that I have no taste in music. AJ FTW lolz! I miss u! Get ur butt on MSN more often. Hope all is well.

Sammy. I honestly hope I helped with the confusion u had ;-p U have been the greatest friend and have stood by me through thick and thin. U are such an inspiration to me. I want to be better. And I have u to thank for that.

NIc. U are one of the nicest guys i've met through this journey. U are so supportive and kind and fun! And u come with ur alterego! (BTW BEST LINK EVER ;-p). Ur relationship with Domi makes me filled with jealousy and hope at the same time. U make it all seem fine. U make it seems possible for all of us. I hope u stay strong!

Oliver. Oh Cupcake. What else can I say other then Waka Waka? Pretty much sums up our thang. U have to be the sweetest little thing. I hope that ur inevitable coming out will go as planned and that u snatch a hot French boy with v-neck t-shirts ;-p. And ffs! Go get a pink shirt! XD I am thinking of u and ur fam and I hope that ur dads operation will go without a hitch. And I hope ur mom learns how to close the door behind her haha! Mwah!


Also, then just a last shout out to all of my Twitter buddies. U guys make life so much more entertaining! Thanx for keeping me company in the wee hours of the morning!


I truly love being a part of this community. It is proof that it actually does get better.


As always

PEACE AND LOVE

xXx


P.S This is my actual 100th post and not the 99th seeing as I deleted a previous post. Just saying ;-p

REPOST

I just read the follwoing post and I felt I wanted to post the link to it here on my blog. I think every gay guy can relate to this. I think we all went through this at some point...

http://gophunkyourself.blogspot.com/2010/12/on-sexuality.html

GOFUNKURSELF FTW!

Peace and love

xXx

MERRY XMAS

So I missed my one year bloggyversary! Well I did know about it. But I didn't really feel like posting anything. I'll compile some sort of something as a treat for u guys later on when I am in the mood ^_^

So it is the 24th of December. I don't really want any gift at all. Like I got enough from my family and friends throughout the year. It would be such a shame to spend more on me. And I didn't get anyone gift from myself only. I like clubbed with my parents to get people better gifts rather than two crappy gifts.

So we are heading to my brother's gf's family for Old Xmas Eve dinner. And then tomorrow a lot of guest will be hosted at our house. It is usually fun and I am looking forward to it. Yeah. Although I do not consider myself religious I do appreciate the fact that Xmas brings people together. So that it is all good and well.

On another note. I made a new gay friend. We are planning to go catch a movie early next year. He is very cute, but I don't think he wud become more than a hookup in the future - if it even goes that far. Nway, it is always nice to have someone who understands u.

I am sorry for not posting more often. This is more said to myself. I really do enjoy blogging. Thing is I don't want to bore with tedious posts. Much like this one. Nway I wanted to post. Cause I miss u guys. So here is a kewl video for ur enjoyment!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0LtUX_6IXY

Hope u all have a great time with family and or friends.

Speak soon

Peace and love

xXx

In responce

"I keyed on the fact that you seem to define everything about yourself using external sources and that the only thing that matters is how these external sources are pleasing you at the moment - kinda like a middle school girl bouncing between cliques!"

Thats a comment I got from my last post.

I think I agree with that. But what i don't neccesarilly agree about is the negative idea surrounding the way the statement was made. I'm not saying it is a good thing. I'm not saying it is a bad thing. It is just simply a thing.

I do define myself by "using external sources".

Why though?

Cause:


In order for me to place myself within context I have to evaluate me according to a standard. This standard being the projected norm of society - the external source. So ya I do have an obsession with labelling myself and things around me. I do not see this as obsessive or complusive. I just need to define a thing in order to understand it. In order to define something you have to describe it. Or as we say label. So yus I label.

Giving a label to things makes sense.

"the only thing that matters is how these external sources are pleasing you at the moment"

Yet again I do not see how this is a bad thing. I like feeling good. It is an intrinsic human want. I like being pleased and I get this pleasure from interacting in a positive manner with others. Look it is not that I conform to the requests of other. FFS! I am bisexual. If I wanted to conform I would have said I'm gay or straight.


Two things about that:

1) At this moment in my life I am bisexual. I don't care about ur theories. I am attracted t males and female, penis and vagina. If I do transition into a hetro or homo it will be a fantastic. if not - fantastic. All i am trying to say is that I do not conform.

Not that I think there is anything wrong with conforming. If it is a natural human tendency to conform then why do people see it in a bad light in anyway?

I liked being pleased by external sources yus. I prefer this above not being pleased by external sources. I also enjoy being positive in myself and being strong in myself. So I do evaluate myself against my own standard. Thats just it. In order to have my own standards I need something to compare standards with - in order to define my standard. Okay I hope this is making sense.


ANYWAY - enough about that (btw thanx for the comment)


Moving on:


Alcohol update:


I spoke to most of my friends about the issue. Their opinion is that i am not an full-fledged alcoholic, but that I am borderline. I do agree with this. I mean it has only very recently gotten out of hand. I do not have dependency or withdrawal symptoms. I did not drink for a week and then yesterday I had a pint of beer with my friends when we celebrated being done with second year. I ordered a second one, but then didn't drink it cause i felt i didn't need it. So I gave it to a friend thats kinda broke - did us both a favour.

Thing is, and say what u want, I do not want alcohol to intimidate me. If I don't drink I wud want to. So what I need to do it to relearn my boundaries and rid my body of the tolerance that it built up. So from now on I will only drink when the occasion suites it and lo longer at every opportunity that is presented. And I don't have to get drunk. See I kinda forgot this. So I will teach myself how to drink and remain in control. That is what life is all about. Balance.

Same thing applies when people go on diet. Say the person loves chocolate. they go on this silly diet and may NEVER EVER AGAIN eat chocolate. This is bullshit. If u feel like chocolate eat a fucking block of chocolate. Yut again keep it balanced. Don't devour a slab.

Reason for my drinking getting rough is anyway not the alcohol. I don't drink more than the people with me (student peers). And i was never a problem. What happened was i kinda started dealing with some emotional issues of late and therefor I went for escapism. But I got the wake up call I needed so I am dealing with the things now.

And I'm looking forward to in time sit by the beach with my budz and sip A sundowner with them, celebrating theis wonderful life...

P.S. My end of the year project turned out AMAZING and we got really really GREAT feedback form the panel.

I added the photos later cause I felt u deserved some hotness to look at for getting through this post. Enjoy the boyz from ONE DIRECTION <3

(Also, forgive me for typos - I was too lazy to check through the long post >.<)

Peace and love,

xXx

New look

So yeah I tried out a new design. I think it still looks shit. But better than before. Lol!

So the world cup is turning out interesting. I was devastated with the exit of Ghana tonight. It would have meant so much for Africa if they won. Bleh!

Nway I'm so behind with blog reading that I should rather do that than waste time writing nonsense.

I am going out tomorrow night with some friends. So that will be nice since I haven't seen some of them for a while.

I want u guys to check out this kewl blog. He has made numerous posts, but he isn't getting a lot of traffic. I think it is worth ur time. Why not just pop in and decide for urself?

http://eye-m-bi.blogspot.com

Nway smell ya later!

Peace and love!!!

xXx

40 Days

I feel like I am standing at the top of a waterfall, fully acknowledging that I will be pushed off very soon.

In 40 days my first semester of second year will be done with. 40 Days. Fourty days. OMG! This is simply a farce. I am flabbergasted. I do not even think the amount of time available in 40 days is enough to equal the required time to earn the credits. I am, in all honesty, scared. Too much work. There is just too much work. I will have to take good care of myself if to avoid a breakdown. Lol. I know the others in my years will be freaking out. I shall have to keep it together. I know I will be able to do it. I just hope there is time left to enjoy the art and the process.

So in order to achieve this little goal i will have to take better care of myself. Thus I am committing to the following:

I follow some of these already, but I restricting it even further. I really hope I can stay with this as far as possible.

- No junk food
- No added sugar
- No added salt
- No caffeine drinks: including tee and coffee
- Only drink when going out and limit it to 5 drinks per night (*one glass of wine with dinner)
- No midnight snaking
- Go to the gyn at least once a week
- No smoking EVER (again)
- Get at least six hours sleep in each night
- Do not skip breakfast (or any other meal for that matter)
- Drink one squeezy bottle of water each day
- OMG please don't procrastinate - there is really no time lol >.<
- No fizzy drinks - OMG there goes beer - OMG I LOVE BEER! ;-(
- No white breads
- Make time to enjoy life!

Okay I think that will do it. Wayner will be proud of me hahaha! Now I just need to work in some man to man sex! ;-)

I have taken into account ur ideas for my costume for next weekends dress up. I shall see what is available to rent and report back. Maybe I'll even paste a pic for u of me in the outfit?!

Ah damn Magnus voted off of Idol. This is such a weak season. Simon should have left last year. It really was the best talent last year. Will never get to that limit again easily if indeed ever.

In other news. I don't know who of u read my previous post and responded, but I would like to thank you very much if u made the effort. Sam will really appreciate it!

Peace and love!

P.S. Welcome to Olive!

xXx

Show some love

Blogging BFF Sammy is in need of some TLC!

PLEASE go to his blog and show him some support. His younger brother and older sister was involved in a very bad car accident. They are doing okay atm. However, they are still in hospital.

Sam is such an amazing person and has a very nice close-nit family. He is currently at boarding school far away from his family and as u can imagine it must be very hard for him.

Love u Sam!

Peace, love and prayers!

xXx

The new life dawns

Okay okay yeah I am still on about the coming out thingy.

I am still in shock that it went so good. And the I feel guilty for ever doubting my family. Meh I think it is just weird for me to like be on the phone today and tell a boy I think that guy is cute or that guy isn't and not have to care who hears or speak in hushed tones. FML it is amazing. It is so nice and relaxed. No more paranoia.

I decided I will not like make my orientation know to the extensive public. If someone asks I will tell them, but I do not want my orientation to become the most interesting part of me. Ya know? Cause it really isn't...

I have recently added some kewl blogs to my "Must reads' section so be sure to check them out!

Oe I am so excited: I am going camping on Monday - Wednesday. I love camping and being in nature, Can't wait to get out there and get crunked by a fireplace. Imma bake a bread over the fire. Yay!!!!

Please remember that I made a formspring so feel free to ask me any questions. Bleh I only have four so it is kinda embarrassing haha!

I recently discovered my annual hottest dude list for 2009 in my sent items so I thought that I would publish that as tomorrow's post. So be sure to check in!!!!

P.S Welcome Jack and Chrissie!

Love sex and magic

xXx

Some reflections on: (my) coming out

So as most of u read by now I came out to my mom. Im kinda out to my dad in the sense that my mom said she is going to tell him soon and he will accept it and treat me like always. So I am not even stressed about it, cause I mean...there isn't much that can go wrong, is there?

This paragraph was edited in after I reread my post: It seems like I have some issues accepting the smoothness of my coming out. I was so prepared to defend myself and fight for my own. And now I am standing on a battlefield facing my family. I have a sword and they have open arms. I am feeling guilty, I think... What twisted irony...I am sure I am not the only one that has experienced this after coming out?

BACK TO ORIGINAL POST:

Mmm so how do I feel? I am not really elated. I am relieved though....

(OMG GUNSHOTS JUST WENT OFF OUTSIDE MY HOUSE HOW SCARY EECK >,<)

NWAY, as I said I am relieved. I feel like I liberated myself and I can breath easier, sleep deeper and so forth. It is like it should be.

PLEASE DON"T MISUNDERSTAND!!! I am not being blazé over my amazing family and their easy-to-gain acceptance.

I am very fortunate and lucky

AND LOVED!

It's like a reporter in my country once said, should people feel lucky to be alive after a murder attempt or be angry cause there was an attack in the first place?

I guess beggars can't be choosers?

I mean geez if my family rejected me I would not have been very fond of them anymore. I mean fuck: why would I be the bad guy if they are the ones creating injustice?

I am so glad they are sooo amazing, cause if they where biased and judgemental it would have been like a cancer that spread through them and they would have died to me with time...

We must continue on our path to liberate ourselves in society.

I want to thank all of the bloggers for their immense support, comments, emails etc. It was really helpful and much appreciated. You guys really rock!!!!

I hope u will keep following me on my journey as an out and about young bi man on his way to conquering the world!

Peace love and pink flag!

P.S Welcome to my new followers: Tommy and Wayner. (I have an additional two, but I am not sure who they are. If you know who u are lol just leave a shout out in the comment section for me.)

P.S.S There is no weirdness whatsoever between me and mom. It is like it never happened!

xXx

Joshua

Bring on the bloggers!

Ey guys!

I was thinking of doing a post on the fellow bloggers. A lot of the blogs that I have followed for the past few months are no longer active or has little to no interaction.

If you follow my blog on a regular basis u will know by now which blog I really do find fun to follow. I am not gonna make this an add on my behalf, so if u wanna know feel free to browse trhough my old posts or check my must reads.

I was actually hoping that you guys would, as a comment, suggest to me your favourite blogs. Please keep it to a maximum of say 5 blogs. If you really want more u can obviously post more. Or even if you only want to paste one.

And guys, this is not a self-promoting exercise lolz! (But if you are new to blogworld, yeah okay give the link, if it is kewl I will add it to my must reads)

I am really not interested in porn or picture blogs adn therfore ask that u do not mention these.

Looking forward to a lazy weekend to top off a lazy week. I shall hoepfully find inspiration to post more.

Also, I know I have been silent iregarding comments, but know I am still reading your blogs.

Love, peace, qwerty

xXx

Take the red pill

I just watched two documentaries.

1. Religulous - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religulous
2. The Zeitgeist Addendum - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeitgeist_addendum#Zeitgeist:_Addendum

FML!!!

I am reeling from the info that I was presented with.

Have any of u seen any of this? This is intense shit. I mean yeah sure, Religulous is by far the inferior production and very subjective. But hey: subjective is effective.

I just don't get why in the Zeitgeist Addendum they used the "brainwashing" techniques lol. They had facts in abundance. The implementation of these effects kinda made me question the validity of the facts presented. Surely someone should have considered this undesired outcome/effect on an audience.

Anyway. I am very spiritual. Love, music, and nature is my religion. But still Religious kinda did have an impact on me. I think today was the nail in the coffin for me concerning religion.

Zeitgeist Addendum: I am one of those hippies that would support a projects like this. When I watched Sicko I thought I was disgusted, but this is a whole entirely new level of discontent.

I feel perverted.

What have we done?

I am wary always of such "conspiracies", but one has to admit the appeal of such a concept such as Zeitgeist.

I do not think we will be able to save ourselves. People will never change. We need a redo. Unfortunately life doesn't come with a reset button....

On a brighter note:

Welcome back to : Tim and LonelyBoy

Glad to ahev u guys back!!!!

Peace and love

xXx

Life in frame

I just love film.

Every aspect of it is sooo amazing. I think it is truly the ultimate collaboration of art.

Wowgasm!!!!

So interesting to think the only discipline that defines film is the art of editing. The only new addition.
Some people feel the only time a movie is made is during post production editing.

I think I may agree here to some extent.

I dunno if u guys follow Daily Dan's blog, but at the moment it is truely awesome to read. If u have time go read the last 5 or so posts. I bet u will be smiling!!!! Go Dan!!!

In other news. I think we are entering the Winter season. Our rain is late by the traditional Easter weekend rainfall so I am waiting upon the showers to come and wash away all the dirt of Summer.

Ah living the life....

P.S. Welcome to Tommy

Peace and love,

xXx

Geez Imma bad boy

Hey guys

I am so sorry for posting so infrequently these days. I am experiencing a heavy work load and such. I will be on holiday for a month soon (starting in two weeks). So then I will be able to keep u updated more often!

So everything is coming together for my project. Tomorrow I am having a meeting with a crew member to finialize all the small details and then on Tuesday it is the big event. Im a bit bummed cause the project will not be able to match my vision because of budget constraints.

In other news. One of my best bloggin budz is a bit sick. His name is Charlie! He is actually a unicorn u know?!
So if u ain't planning on making him some chicken soup at least tell him to get better or sumthing. Geez, it is not like u have something better to do with ur life...hehe

Nearly failed one of my practical exams. I got 52%! FML! This is the lowest mar I have ever received in my life BY FAR! I am not feeling to bad since more then half of the class actually failed. Pass rate is 50%! Guess who has karma on his side... Anyway I still wanna redo the exam, cause this is just embarrassing to the max.

My hormones are really wacked the past two months. I am like really urm like frustrated most of the time. I dunno why this is happening. Isn't this suppose to go away when u are so fucking old like me. Geez I am nearly half dead. Bleh!

Where did all the days go to....

Love, peace and wrinkles,

xXx

U are my bitch!

Eya!!!!

I am back, bitches!!!!

So geez long time no chat. I have never been this busy in my entire like sexy existence!

I haven't slept for more than 4 hours for over 8 or nine days (who is keeping count, eh?!)

Yet, it was good hard honest work. And I was interested in it so it wasn't a schlep to do. Just wish they gave us more time to pace ourselves.

I didn't go to class on Friday, When i woke I had severe cramps. Stupid spastic colon. Happens if u stress and don't eat right. Someone wanna come Dr me to health?

So anyway couldn't go out tonight as planned cause I had to catch up the work that I missed when laying in bed like a pissy with pain. But now I am done. I have loads left, but nothing as majour.

So my trip to the festival is still on and I am planning to make it a great day! I am gonna catch up with a few friends and I'm really looking forward to that.

AHHH a first for Joshy: Today I spoke over the phone with a fellow blogger...it was nice...'-)

I am listening to a song from a French album of Celine Dion. The song playing right now is the translation of "If that's what it takes". Gawhsss it is an amazing melody.

Makes me feel alive.

Peace and love,

xXx

My first...

So I have been running this blog since the end of December. Usually I get about 30 hits if I am lucky. But today this has changed a bit. I have had over 100 hits already. This is quite puzzling to me. Obviously someone mentioned me and that person has got to be very popular loz!

So after playing Sherlock Holmes (aka Sam told me) I found that the person responsible for this surge of interest is Seth!

Seth u are freakin AWESOME! THANX MAN!

So come on, let me entertain u!

A while back I gave my followers carte blanche to suggest a topic for a post. I will start with one today.

My firsts

My first time getting my hair coloured: 13
The first time I was operated on: 3 Weeks old
My first crush: Age 7
My first time kissing a girl: 17
My first time driving a car: 18
My first time kissing a guy: 16
My first time being drunk: 12
My first time going away from home alone: 12
My first time...ya know: 16
My first time admitting my sexuality: 15
My first time eating sushi: 17 (MY FAV FOOD!!!)
First time watching porn: 12
My firt million: bleh fml still working on it.

Mkay, that seems like enough for now. If u wanna know more feel free to ask in the comments section and I will prolly oblige u with an answer.

On a different note, my uni is getting quite hectic. this term ends on April 1. By then I still have left to do:

21 Assignments
3 tests/exams
6 Presentations
2 Shoots

So imma be a busy boy this next month. But don\t fear I will still post very often. As u know by now I am quite addicted to u...

P.S. This is my second post for the day!

Peace and love,

xXx

3000

YAY what a nice bday gift guys - 3000 hits lolz!

Well I know people like MeMyselfndMyHand gets that in an hour lolz, but to me this is so freakin awesome!!! To think some people take time out of their day to read my blog makes me feel very special and I am honoured!!!

U GUYS ROCK!!!

As my belated birthday present to u I am giving the wheel over to my followers:

PAM PAM PAM (lolz)

Everyone that wants can leave a topic for a post in the comments section and then I shall blog about it.

U have carte blanche!

Can't wait!!!

Peace and love,

xXx

Agenda: Stuff

Yo guys!

The results are in and the winner of American Id....bleh give it a few more months! Btw, one kewlest thing about living in SA is being able to watch MNET. It is a channel on cable or whatever. I believe if there was a international competition for the best channel in the world, it would be a strong contender to win! It has nearly all the best shows in the world. It has 8 of the 10 recent best show nominations of the Golden Globes airing at the moment. And then also all the other fan favourites and other brilliant shows. Not to mention airing film premiers in the same year of release. I really think it is AMAZING. Something I find to be VERY interesting is that that our Sunday Evening premier slot went to....American Idol. It used to show during the week on another smaller channel AND we were way behind, but now we are only one week behind basically. This is arguably one of the most sought after time slots on our viewing calendar. Mmm...it kinda reflects a lot about the current influence of USA in the South African culture.

The poll results are in! Thank you to the people that voted!

The question was: Ur only truly bi if u have had sexual encounters with both sexes?

The results are as follows:


Hell Yeah!!!
3 (17%)

Not at all!!
9 (52%)

Still deciding
1 (5%)

Don't believe in bi
4 (23%)


This was very interesting to me. I thought that the majourity of the vote would go to "Hell Yeah". But half of the people that voted, thought as me, that bisexuality is a (emotional) state of being, and does not need a chance sexual encounter to solidify this.

What is find quite saddening is that 23% voted "Don't believe in bi"...
I am quite a silly little boy and I would like to paste something to my own embarrassment. I always though homosexual people are all this one big group of open minded people. But, yeah that was when I was way younger. I mean I thought if someone had to go through a struggle to prove their "normality" that they would become aware that people differ and so forth. Catch my drift. Nway, I find it frustrating to not be accepted by either hetro or homo communities.

To the four people who voted that option: I do respect ur right of opinion. I just wish I could understand ur train of though. What makes u think that bisexuality is not real. Do u believe in pansexuality, ambisexuality, asexuality and so forth?
Actually everyone is welcome to comment on the last question.

I am here. I am real.

Nway on a other note! I am seeing a friend today for the first time in over two months, so quite excited bout that! A group of us is going out to a club to just get into a kewl vibe! I don't feel like drinking much tonight so that is good news for my liver! Haha!

Hope u all have a great day!

Peace, lover and liver

Seacrest out!

xXx

Feeling the heat!!!!

So I just couldn't muster the power to make a post yesterday - it was 46 degrees Celsius (115 degrees Fahrenheit). Did i hear someone say parched?

Before I start I would just like to inform u that Sam from Confused yet Honest changed his blog URL to http://confused-honest-young-boy.blogspot.com/ Be sure to check him out!

I still have not seen Avatar 3D. This is severely depressing for me. I have tried in vain to book 10 times, yet it is sold out EVERY FUCKING TIME!!! WFT!!! People in SA don't go to cinema. This is unheard of. Unprecedented. James Cameron is the god of cinema. I mean the two highest grossing films of all time? (See sure I get the inflation thing, but still.)

I am sure a lot of u guys have watched it. Please tell me what you thought of it.

And in other news. I am in the process of shopping for a Mac. I kinda need it and i kinda want it. I am so fed up with Microsoft and all the bullshit. I run AVG full and Spybot Search & Destroy,, plus I have an extra firewall up. This severely limits my computing experience and quite frankly cramps my lifestyle. The only thing is, I'm not quite informed bout macs. I am looking at this one.

iMac 21.5-inch 3.06GH NEW
R13999 ($1885)
3.06GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
1920 x 1080 resolution
4GB memory
500GB hard drive
8x double-layer SuperDrive
NVIDIA GeForce 9400M graphics

The following in included:

What's included:
iMac
Apple Wireless Keyboard
Magic Mouse
Cleaning cloth
Power cord
Install/restore DVDs
Printed and electronic documentation
Mac OS X Snow Leopard
iLife (included software

Ok, so I'm counting on u guys to give me a crit....especially on the price 2. I don't really need portability since I already have a good laptop (and desktop pc).

Geez ahah I am so spoiled. Who has three computers....only in Africa....NOT!

Peace and love,

xXx

Heat stroke cuties

Gawhs!

What a frikken day I had working on set. It was about 42degrees Celsius (108degrees Fahrenheit)!!! We started at about 7AM and called it a day at 8PM!!! Guys, I constantly had to tell myself not to die. Mostly because of the heat and secondly of the cuties giving me a heart attack!!! Haha ;-p

I had to shovel ground, help with set construction, carry things, put up tents, make food, take care of craft table, basically do all the dirty work (literally and figuratively). BUT, I really don't mind. I just appreciate the guys for letting me help out. We all need to start somewhere...

Worst of all there was NO SHADE OR BATHROOMS!!! At one point I started to get a headache, very nauseous, my legs went numbed and I kinda started to get dizzy on top of it. So what did I do? I took the drinking water and just poured it over my entire body. I had to, I would have died. Lol! I feel bad tho, since the water was limited.
But what is a man to do in a situation like this?!

Spoke to many of the crew and so forth and yeah they are really nice and supportive - giving a lot of advice and so forth. So that helps a lot. I mean they don't have to. So thanx people, U ROCK!!!!

Gonna go to a club tonight with loads of friends. What is the occasion u ask? Well, urm does one need a special occasion? Hehe!

On another note, thanx to MeMyselfndmyhand for the mention in ur blog. Ur 2 kewl!! Thanx to my newest follower and the other guys for linking to me as well!!!

As always,

Peace and love,

xXx

My life in blog

So many ways to go. So many things to think about.
This will prolly end up as a long post.

P.S. This did end up being a very long post!!!!

So, my brother and his inevitable fiance is leaving SA tomorrow to go work abroad. They will be gone for 4 months or even 11 months. I don't know what to make of this. Me and my brother never did have a very strong relationship. In fact, he was criticizing my mother for buying fortune cookies when we ate Chinese the other day. "Do not meddle with this stuff." I mean, ffs, it's a cookie. THAT is how conservative and closed minded he is. He will probably be one of the very few people in my immediate social network that will reject me WHEN I come out to him.

BTW, I'm out to 20 people. Not one bad reaction. I think I am very fortunate thus far... So full steam ahead!

What kinda bothered me is that my mother said she saw my brother wiping away tears. OMG! How weird. My brother is a very manly man. I feel bad. I feel bad for him. But I fell more ashamed of myself... Even though he is a bigot, he is still my brother. I do not know why I find it so extremely hard to connect to my family and not to my friends. I am VERY VERY close with my friends, but even with my mother who is the kewlest person in the world I can hardy ever say I love you to her. But yeah I think I know why. It's because I'm not out to them. I am not honest. And therefore I withhold myself. What a fucking shame.

See my mom confuses me. One day I think she would be kewl if i come out. She would say stuff like "u only like that boy on American idol, cause he's got a baby face". Or i.e. one day she must have caught me staring at this boy that I'm in love with, cause she said "Ur gonna get hurt. He is not looking at u in the right way." I know right, how good does she know me?! But yeah, then other times she would be like no God doesn't really want it and all. This happens when I like watch Ellen. And I get crushed. Speaking bout mixed signals.

And then I think again. And this brings she to something she told me today. "I love my children way too much for my own good". Does she? Does she? Would she still feel that way if, not if, when I come out. One of my friends said that the fact that she loves me so much can count in my favour...or against me...bleh! I don't know.

I just wish I could connect myself to a lie detector and ask myself a lot of questions. Like why do I feel bad because I'm opposes to baptising a child. I'm attending one tomorrow. I mean give the child a chance to make her/his own conclusions...so yeah. I have my own take on religion/spirituality. I won't go into that now. I have to much left to say. Do I actually believe in a god...I think I do. I mean on my own terms. I much more spiritual. A poet once said. man cannot do without religion. Nor can he do with it as it is. This rings very true to me.

Nway, Next.

I'm a metrosexual, sensitive guy that is into arts. But I don't wanna come across as fem. I mean no offence but it's is just not for me. But maybe that is who I am and that is why I am scratching my head over this. Just because I also like boys, doesn't have to have me loose my masculinity in my sexuality. But yet..every time I see a guy I kinda find attractive, I find myself feeling more fem. Someone please do explain this to me. Maybe guy gays know bout this.

I wanna take time out to thank someone who played a very important part in my life. Joey from Bi in High School. We have not known each other for long, but u have done more good then u would ever know. If it were not for u I would not of started to blog. And from judging above I kinda need it. So thank you for saving me from myself.
I will miss ur blog and I will miss u. I will be awaiting ur return eagerly. Mwah!!!!

And in other news. Congrats Carwin on ur 200th post. I follow u very feverishly. U are a great guy! Keep it up!

Always hard's Josh! It is MY NEW YEARS WISH THAT U JUST GRAB UR ALEX AND KISS HIM TO DEATH. HE WANTS U SO BAD BOY!!!!

Also a special mention to Tyler form "The thoughts of a boy in high school" U were the first blog I followed. I think u are great.

Still haven't seen avatar - sold out all 3 times I went. which is highly peculiar for my country.

All in all I think I have a new addiction. I am starting to see my life as a blog post. Is this a normal experience at first?

Love and peace,

xXx