Crossroad

And there I was thinking the roadblocks of puberty have been crossed.

BTW as I am typing this I have Miley Cyrus' "When I look at you" playing on repeat. I think it is an amazing song.

Nway -

University has kept me from u guys. It is godly insane what s expected of us. I have such deep rooted issues with the manner in which the institution I attend is run, that I sometimes find myself hating my life for brief time - cause I made the choice to attend it. I love what I do. I just don't prefer the medium in which I gain access to it. But they are unfortunately the best. What a stupid situation.

Pressure for future. I do not know if I should study honours or not. I have an insane student loan already. But I have to complete my honours at this institution if I ever wanna do a masters degree at another institution. Some silly red tape thing. Or I can go do honours in something else like maybe journalism.

This is kinda a big choice cause it will effect what I want to do with my life. Do I wanna continue pursuing what I do now? Or do I wanna branch out. Branching out seems the smart thing to do. But it could also backfire.

I also wanna invest in a camera for myself to like kinda make money on the side. But that will cost at least a $1000 which I don't really have laying around. Spend money to make money eh?

I dunno man. Questions are spinning in my head. A vortex. I keep analysing everything and at the end of the day I just realise that nothing matters cause we will all die one day and we are running after the wind. I am not nihilistic or anything but I am just trying to figure out what my priorities are. Cause lately I have screwed up.

My (ex?) bf ?!

I don't even know what to say to that. When I fuck up I do it really bad. Basically I did something that still makes logical sense. But emotionally I kinda fucked with myself. And the other person. But with good intention. I think in the long run it makes sense still. But then I started remembering what I believe in. I believe in the now. And thus I failed myself. I betrayed my core believes. i have spoken to my boy and he understand why I did it though. I don't deserve that of him. He is so amazing. He is soooo amazing. He makes me proud almost every day.

I love u.

To top it all of. My dad is in the ICU for the past weekend. And they don't know when he will be able to come home. The human heart. Fragile in both physicality and metaphor...

I need a holiday. I need to get away and I need to be in nature. My break is almost starting and I look forward to just feel. To be and to feel and to reconnect with what matters.

Tis all for now.

Peace and love,h
xXx

Back to black

This week I have had an amazing time.

I really did learn a lot about myself. I think the most important thing that I discovered about myself is that I am kinda really into being in a relationship situation. It makes a lot of sense to me.

I have also gotten a lot of slack form various friends saying that I am gay. Not in a confrontational way. They all think I am gay and I am just using bisexuality as a way of desensitising them. Geez ffs! I am bi. I get hard for women. That cannot make me gay. Gay guys do not get hard for a vagina. Anyway, the whole concept of using bi as a way of phasing people into one being gay is illogical. Think about it. Bisexuality is much more intricate and unexpected. People do not understand and acknowledge it. So why on earth would I use that as a smoke screen? I know some of u might disagree with me, but honestly idk.

This week something very stupid happened in my country. Eugene Terrblanche, the leader of the AWB, a bunch of ignorant racists, was murdered on his farm. What makes this more interesting is that Julius Malema, one of the biggest conundrums to grace the earth ever, was singing a "struggle song" which incites killing white farmers (because they are cowards and rapists). the previous day. Earlier the week the court stated that it was unconstitutional to sing this song in RSA any longer. This was done after Julius was singing it a few times in the recent past. So Julius went to Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe and sang it there the day before Terrblanches' murder. This guy is the epitome of entertainment. I am growing more and more and more upset and even a bit worried. Racial tension in this country is entering a new phase. I hope this doesn't blow up before the soccer world cup takes place.

Anyway here are links to the Malema and Terrblanche dudes. A bit of RSA 101:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julius_Malema

(He must be my least favourite person on the planet BTW)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugene_Terreblanche

Smell ya later!

Peace, love and prayers!

xXx

P.S. Hope those of u who celebrate Easter had a wonderful weekend. The rest of u hope u aren't fat of all the chocolate!

HOLIDAYS

Well okay not entirely, but close enough.

All my projects and classes are done so now it is just end of term shit that needs to come and go and then I am free for a month!!!!!!!

I am so looking forward to this holiday!!! A lot of fun things will be happening.

I am also thinking of going camping. I love nature and I need to get centred after a crazy term. I know that I have not been posting very often this month. I am getting the feeling I will be binge posting for the rest of this blog's existence.

It is just the way my life works at the moment. I am crazy busy for like two months and then it stops dead for the next one. This cycle kinda continues. So yeah there you have it.

I am SOOOOO happy with my project. So that is all fine and dandy.
Now I just hope I can follow it up.

Sad to read that Wolfy is kinda not gonna blog anymore. Also, I am kinda missing some of the peeps on my blog roll. PLEASE COME BACK!!!

Anywayz, I have this end of term party tomorowz! It is gonna be EPIC!!!! Will post about it when I have the chance.

Hope everyone is doing good.

P.S. Welcome to Phunk Factor

Post a la random

This will be a short post cause I'm tired.

So official my 9 week vacation has ended. I will be getting up tomorrow to start the hardest work of my life yet. Well oke not entirely true. This week will be orientation like always. But from next Monday it is full steam, until the end of November.

At least I had an amazing day end it all.

Got up early this morning. Went..SHOPPING!!! Got two new pairs of shoes, some socks to go with it, a new shirt and some sexy undies...GRRRR!!!!!!!!!! FUCK I LOVE SEXY UNDIES!

Nway then I went with the family. We were hungry so went to this nice seaside restaurant and I had the best fish that I have EVER tasted. It basically melted in my mouth. It was the sex!

After that we went for a drive along the coast and then eventually headed home. As we turned into the driveway one of my friends called me up and asked if I wanna join for sun downers at the beach . No brainer! So I went and it was fucking rad. Met some German peeps visiting and so on and they are really nice. So tomorrow after class I am taking them out.

Two random things happened tonight. I had my sunglasses on well after the sunset cause I forgot my prescription glasses at home. So eventually I had to take them off. And when I did some girl just freaked out and said it is the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen. She wouldn't believe me that I didn't wear colour contacts. Now this always surprise me cause about a dozen peole has had this reaction. It is just ironic that my Glaucoma riddled eyes seem to be my best asset.

More weirder, I received a letter by speed post from a modeling agency for the SA 2010 Model Ramp Awards. I was like OMGW WTF!!! I have firstly never modelled and secondly as much as I would love to model I am simply NOT good looking enough to be a model.

But yeah fuck it I love myself anyways lolz!

Nway peace and love and I hope I have the stamina to keep posting in the times ahead...

xXx