NEED URGENT OPINION!!!!

Okay, thanx for taking the time to read this!

There is a very cute first year boy at my university that I like. We have only spoken once thanx to the fucked up printers always breaking on our campus. DUO RAGE!

Nway, after my ex I kinda lost it a bit. I'm very lonely. And I just want to like test the waters again. Nothin serious. I can't do it again so quick. But I am kinda loosing out on fun times with cute boys.

So thing is it is really difficult to get to him. Cause eh is always with a group of friends. I know for a fact he is gay, cause I overheard him say once "my ex boyfriend". So thats settled.

Now we DO check each other out on campus, but I mean it would be to random for us to just walk up to one another and start speaking. Also i can't attend a party i think he will be at cause I have to much work. o now I wanna know:

Should I invite him on Facebook? It is almost holidays and then I'll only see him again next year Feb. Or is it too random or stalkersish? We do have like 6 friends in common.

He really seems nice.

Oh, wait just one last thing. Me and one of his kinda friends have kissed oncw ehn we were both very drunk at a party - they guy threw himself at me. So maybe it is weird. I dunno. Meh. Boyz make me stupid.

Meh

Love and peace

xXx

Crossroad

And there I was thinking the roadblocks of puberty have been crossed.

BTW as I am typing this I have Miley Cyrus' "When I look at you" playing on repeat. I think it is an amazing song.

Nway -

University has kept me from u guys. It is godly insane what s expected of us. I have such deep rooted issues with the manner in which the institution I attend is run, that I sometimes find myself hating my life for brief time - cause I made the choice to attend it. I love what I do. I just don't prefer the medium in which I gain access to it. But they are unfortunately the best. What a stupid situation.

Pressure for future. I do not know if I should study honours or not. I have an insane student loan already. But I have to complete my honours at this institution if I ever wanna do a masters degree at another institution. Some silly red tape thing. Or I can go do honours in something else like maybe journalism.

This is kinda a big choice cause it will effect what I want to do with my life. Do I wanna continue pursuing what I do now? Or do I wanna branch out. Branching out seems the smart thing to do. But it could also backfire.

I also wanna invest in a camera for myself to like kinda make money on the side. But that will cost at least a $1000 which I don't really have laying around. Spend money to make money eh?

I dunno man. Questions are spinning in my head. A vortex. I keep analysing everything and at the end of the day I just realise that nothing matters cause we will all die one day and we are running after the wind. I am not nihilistic or anything but I am just trying to figure out what my priorities are. Cause lately I have screwed up.

My (ex?) bf ?!

I don't even know what to say to that. When I fuck up I do it really bad. Basically I did something that still makes logical sense. But emotionally I kinda fucked with myself. And the other person. But with good intention. I think in the long run it makes sense still. But then I started remembering what I believe in. I believe in the now. And thus I failed myself. I betrayed my core believes. i have spoken to my boy and he understand why I did it though. I don't deserve that of him. He is so amazing. He is soooo amazing. He makes me proud almost every day.

I love u.

To top it all of. My dad is in the ICU for the past weekend. And they don't know when he will be able to come home. The human heart. Fragile in both physicality and metaphor...

I need a holiday. I need to get away and I need to be in nature. My break is almost starting and I look forward to just feel. To be and to feel and to reconnect with what matters.

Tis all for now.

Peace and love,h
xXx

PURPLE !!!

Kinda productive holiday day!

So I got up really late and decided I have to go renew my car license. So proud of myself for actually doing it in time lol! Then went to refill my ink and made an appointment at the day spa for a hair cut. Got one for 2morrow at 12.

On the way out of the computer shop (where I refilled the ink) I walked into my ex-priest lol! (Yeah, I think I should make a post about my wacky spiritual beliefs - just to kinda test ur openmindedness.) Nway, I kinda ignored him. He looked at me with empry eyes. Kinda reminded me of his empty promises.

Anyway from religion to sex. I am sooooOOoo PURPLE!!! FML!!! I totally have a hormone imbalance since my boy left. Bleh! I kinda have two willing boys lined up. But I dunno. It would only be sexytime. No emotion. And I don't know if I roll like that. Well I think my kinda-boy-who-left- would incourage me to get some. We kinda understand the situation.

I plan on making a post-SWC post as well. I am so proud of the way we hosted this event. I think we did AWESOME! But yeah, a lot of kewl statistic to give to ya. And they all said we couldn't do it ...

THIS TIME FOR AFRIXA !!!!

Peace, love and soccer balls!

xXx

See you soon

Letter to my dearest friend and lover.

Dear Bibi

As I am typing this my eyes are filled with the memories and love that built up inside me over the past six months.

I am crying, baby. Not because I am sad only, but because I feel blessed that I had the incredible miracle of playing some part in your life.

I feel so proud that I know someone as amazingly smart, caring and fun as you. You have changed my life and I can say with confidence that I have altered yours. You will forever be with me as I carry you in my heart of hearts.

Although time will come as a blessing in disguise and heal us of one another as space will drift between, this I promise you my dear sweet habibi...the love and understanding that we share will stand the test of time.

You may think that I have shown you the path, but I assure you that you have changed my entire course. I let you know that I love you and you obliged without hesitation. But I never did allow myself to indulge you with my true feelings as I understood that the inevitable departure would be too much to bare.

I want you to always remember the little time we had and never let anyone put you down. Be kind as you always are and teach them not through words, but by your amazing example.

I will see you again my doux bebe. Up until then I will live life to its fullest as to enrich myself for our next meeting.

It was truly a privilege and a pleasure spending time with you.

I love you with all my heart and all my soul.

Your taatie-teef

P.S I want you to read this poem by Robert Frost as it reminds me of you...

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


xXx