100

I cant really believe I made it.

100 Posts...

Wow! I never thought I would be able to stick around for so long. With all the other blogs closing down i thought I would be gone by now too. But NAH! This is such a great great escape for me. Although I have started posting less I still feel the need to blog every now and then. So I don't think I'll be gone too soon.

So geez. The blog turned one year old the other day. It feels longer ago that I started this. So much has happened. I CAME OUT! And I kid u not when saying that creating this blog lead to the best experience of my life - without a doubt. I met someone via my blog. We met up. We fell In love. He is the love of my life...unfortunately life happened and we aren't together anymore.

Distance.

Meh. I love airports. I hate airports. I'll never forget that day I had to say goodbye to you... Some days it keeps playing over and over in my mind, I tried to be so strong, cause u were gonna be alone after u left. But as u vanished behind the corner I had a complete breakdown. People were staring at me like I was demented. I struggled to walk to the car and kinda hyperventilated for a few minutes. I remember vividly looking into the face of an older woman and seeing her eyes tear up. I'll never forget her face.

I still remember the last kiss. The tears streaming between us. I still remember the last time I touched ur hand and the last look we gave each other. I remember not being able to stop thinking about u and the smile u put on my face when u called me from the plane. Trying to fight the tears as much as u could... I love u so much.

Will I ever see you again?

It is now six months later and yut I only keep loving u more. And I know that u say I should move on. But I can't help how I feel. U have been the best thing in my life. And I would give anything to hold u again. U have been one of the best friends in my life and I will never ever ever forget what u did for me. U helped me so much as a person. U helped me grow to such an extent that I cannot describe it.

You are so beautiful to me.

I love you...

Urm there has also been a lot of other people that has played such a big role in my life. U guys mean so much to me. U are there for me when no one else is around and I love u guys for that. I learn so much from u and I'm sure I would have been way worse off if I did not have the privilege to know u all. Im gonna mention a fe people that come to my mind atm. Please do not feel offended if I leave u out cause I am in a bit of a state, so my mind isn't functioning that well. Don't worry It is happy tears >.<


Tyler, I know we aren't close or anything. But I have told u before that u were the first blog that I ever read. U were my inspiration for starting to bthis journey. Thank you so much for ur contribution.

Charlie. U vanished from the face of the earth. But I still just want to thank u for all the fun times we had. Ur such a nice guy and I hope that ur doing okay?

Tim. I know we aren't on the best of terms atm, but u have meant so so so so much too me over the past year. I hope that we will soon rekindle the friendship that means so much to I think both of us. Thank u for always being there any listening to my stupidity.

Wayner. What would we do without u? Ur the go to guy of the gay blog world. Sometimes I feel my posts are too silly to publish. But then knowing that u will leave a comment makes me do it anyway. Ur support and advice goes a long way.

AJ. Although u have left blogging world, u haven't left my heart. I love our chats and I love ur sense of humour. As u know music is my life and I love the fact that u always love to tell me that I have no taste in music. AJ FTW lolz! I miss u! Get ur butt on MSN more often. Hope all is well.

Sammy. I honestly hope I helped with the confusion u had ;-p U have been the greatest friend and have stood by me through thick and thin. U are such an inspiration to me. I want to be better. And I have u to thank for that.

NIc. U are one of the nicest guys i've met through this journey. U are so supportive and kind and fun! And u come with ur alterego! (BTW BEST LINK EVER ;-p). Ur relationship with Domi makes me filled with jealousy and hope at the same time. U make it all seem fine. U make it seems possible for all of us. I hope u stay strong!

Oliver. Oh Cupcake. What else can I say other then Waka Waka? Pretty much sums up our thang. U have to be the sweetest little thing. I hope that ur inevitable coming out will go as planned and that u snatch a hot French boy with v-neck t-shirts ;-p. And ffs! Go get a pink shirt! XD I am thinking of u and ur fam and I hope that ur dads operation will go without a hitch. And I hope ur mom learns how to close the door behind her haha! Mwah!


Also, then just a last shout out to all of my Twitter buddies. U guys make life so much more entertaining! Thanx for keeping me company in the wee hours of the morning!


I truly love being a part of this community. It is proof that it actually does get better.


As always

PEACE AND LOVE

xXx


P.S This is my actual 100th post and not the 99th seeing as I deleted a previous post. Just saying ;-p

REPOST

I just read the follwoing post and I felt I wanted to post the link to it here on my blog. I think every gay guy can relate to this. I think we all went through this at some point...

http://gophunkyourself.blogspot.com/2010/12/on-sexuality.html

GOFUNKURSELF FTW!

Peace and love

xXx

MERRY XMAS

So I missed my one year bloggyversary! Well I did know about it. But I didn't really feel like posting anything. I'll compile some sort of something as a treat for u guys later on when I am in the mood ^_^

So it is the 24th of December. I don't really want any gift at all. Like I got enough from my family and friends throughout the year. It would be such a shame to spend more on me. And I didn't get anyone gift from myself only. I like clubbed with my parents to get people better gifts rather than two crappy gifts.

So we are heading to my brother's gf's family for Old Xmas Eve dinner. And then tomorrow a lot of guest will be hosted at our house. It is usually fun and I am looking forward to it. Yeah. Although I do not consider myself religious I do appreciate the fact that Xmas brings people together. So that it is all good and well.

On another note. I made a new gay friend. We are planning to go catch a movie early next year. He is very cute, but I don't think he wud become more than a hookup in the future - if it even goes that far. Nway, it is always nice to have someone who understands u.

I am sorry for not posting more often. This is more said to myself. I really do enjoy blogging. Thing is I don't want to bore with tedious posts. Much like this one. Nway I wanted to post. Cause I miss u guys. So here is a kewl video for ur enjoyment!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0LtUX_6IXY

Hope u all have a great time with family and or friends.

Speak soon

Peace and love

xXx

Waiting for Godot

So Im up still. It is 5:10am as i am typing this sentence.

Slept like three hours and then I woke up. I didn't manage to get that much sleep in this year cause of work so I think my body has adjusted to shorter sleeping patterns. Meh, I'll prolly take a nice afternoon nap later. >.<

So my bother is back. He will be here for like three months. But I think it should be fine. He is a lot better than in the future. He even liked some of my projects that I did this year. Didn't think that this day would ever come lol!

I'm working on some side project that are keeping me kinda busy, but I am learning a lot so Imma do it with a smile. I have started working hard on my work for next year. The other people are all chilling over the holiday - and I will to, but in moderation. I really want to be prepared when I walk in next year. There will be no time, so I'd rather get some shit out of the way.

So it is almost Xmas. I haven't been in the Xmas mood for the past two years. I hope it changes this time. I am not religious anymore, but I just love Xmas cause it is a time of community and love. And I think that is pretty amazing!

I have decided that I will prolly do a honours degree as to complete a undergrad degree. But I really want to go to two or if I can three European countries first. I will have a 9 week break so that would be a fine time to do that, I need to. As an artist I need to experience life. And I have IRL friends in two of the countries that I want to see. Especially one person in specific. Imma try my best to make it work. Imma speak to my mother tomorrow. She promised me if I have my first degree she will fund a trip for me. Lol, I'll have to try and make some money myself, but she will have to be my primary benefactor. I have never been granted the opportunity, nay privilege, to travel and it is kinda a defining life goals.

The prospect of getting a stamp in my passport exceeds most forms of excitement I have ever felt.

Here is to making dreams reality.

Peace and love

xXx

P.S. Almost to post 100!!!

Heya!

So I found this old questionnaire on Stephan's blog. So imma do it cause I'm bored and I think there are a few of my buds who can like get something from it.


How old were you when you first realised you were gay?
Realized, acknowledge or accepted? Realized (when looking back) prolly as early as ever. Acknowledge at 15-17. Accepted after that. Now im a proud queer boy!


Do you have more gay friends or straight friends?
Well won't the facour always be in str8 people's odds? I do have a lot of gay and bi friends though.


Biggest turn on?
Well beautiful people. I study visuals for a life. i am tought to create art and beauty so I literaaly have gasped at beautiful people. I think being beautiful is a talent.

Biggest turn off?
Childishness, moaning, bigotry, prejudice


Ever been harassed due to your orientation?
Duh


Have you ever been surprised at the reaction of people who know you are gay?
Ya, in a good way


What is the worst gay stereotype?
AIDS


Ever been to a pride rally?
No, but I'm going a massive one early next year!!! :D

Do you go to gay bars?
Ya bet ur ass I do

How old were you when you first told someone you were gay?
15


Did you plan it? If so, how?
Yus I did. I was trying o get into his pants. So i kinda blurted it out. No, it didn't get me laid lol!


What made you choose that person to tell?
See above


How did you feel?
Horny lol


Have you ever been snubbed by someone after coming out to them?
No. Lucky me.


Have you come out to your family?
ya, i guess i have. Wow. Thats kewl.


Why did you come out at that point?
Cause I invited this gorgeous and amazing boy to come visit me for an extended period of time, twice, in a very short space of time. So I wanted to be more at ease with him. (BET U DIDNT KNOW THIS MUAHAHA)


Are you out at work?
Ya, mostly hey


If you’ve been outed unwillingly, who did it?
Urm, well I prolly out myself mostly. i don't mind being outed though. Sometimes i even prefer it. I have nothing to loose anymore.


What advice would you give someone wanting to come out?
Do it as soon as you can - if its safe and secure.


If you could do it all again, would you do it any differently? If so, how?
Only sooner. Always sooner. (came out at 20)

That is all for now.

Peace and love,

xXx

In responce

"I keyed on the fact that you seem to define everything about yourself using external sources and that the only thing that matters is how these external sources are pleasing you at the moment - kinda like a middle school girl bouncing between cliques!"

Thats a comment I got from my last post.

I think I agree with that. But what i don't neccesarilly agree about is the negative idea surrounding the way the statement was made. I'm not saying it is a good thing. I'm not saying it is a bad thing. It is just simply a thing.

I do define myself by "using external sources".

Why though?

Cause:


In order for me to place myself within context I have to evaluate me according to a standard. This standard being the projected norm of society - the external source. So ya I do have an obsession with labelling myself and things around me. I do not see this as obsessive or complusive. I just need to define a thing in order to understand it. In order to define something you have to describe it. Or as we say label. So yus I label.

Giving a label to things makes sense.

"the only thing that matters is how these external sources are pleasing you at the moment"

Yet again I do not see how this is a bad thing. I like feeling good. It is an intrinsic human want. I like being pleased and I get this pleasure from interacting in a positive manner with others. Look it is not that I conform to the requests of other. FFS! I am bisexual. If I wanted to conform I would have said I'm gay or straight.


Two things about that:

1) At this moment in my life I am bisexual. I don't care about ur theories. I am attracted t males and female, penis and vagina. If I do transition into a hetro or homo it will be a fantastic. if not - fantastic. All i am trying to say is that I do not conform.

Not that I think there is anything wrong with conforming. If it is a natural human tendency to conform then why do people see it in a bad light in anyway?

I liked being pleased by external sources yus. I prefer this above not being pleased by external sources. I also enjoy being positive in myself and being strong in myself. So I do evaluate myself against my own standard. Thats just it. In order to have my own standards I need something to compare standards with - in order to define my standard. Okay I hope this is making sense.


ANYWAY - enough about that (btw thanx for the comment)


Moving on:


Alcohol update:


I spoke to most of my friends about the issue. Their opinion is that i am not an full-fledged alcoholic, but that I am borderline. I do agree with this. I mean it has only very recently gotten out of hand. I do not have dependency or withdrawal symptoms. I did not drink for a week and then yesterday I had a pint of beer with my friends when we celebrated being done with second year. I ordered a second one, but then didn't drink it cause i felt i didn't need it. So I gave it to a friend thats kinda broke - did us both a favour.

Thing is, and say what u want, I do not want alcohol to intimidate me. If I don't drink I wud want to. So what I need to do it to relearn my boundaries and rid my body of the tolerance that it built up. So from now on I will only drink when the occasion suites it and lo longer at every opportunity that is presented. And I don't have to get drunk. See I kinda forgot this. So I will teach myself how to drink and remain in control. That is what life is all about. Balance.

Same thing applies when people go on diet. Say the person loves chocolate. they go on this silly diet and may NEVER EVER AGAIN eat chocolate. This is bullshit. If u feel like chocolate eat a fucking block of chocolate. Yut again keep it balanced. Don't devour a slab.

Reason for my drinking getting rough is anyway not the alcohol. I don't drink more than the people with me (student peers). And i was never a problem. What happened was i kinda started dealing with some emotional issues of late and therefor I went for escapism. But I got the wake up call I needed so I am dealing with the things now.

And I'm looking forward to in time sit by the beach with my budz and sip A sundowner with them, celebrating theis wonderful life...

P.S. My end of the year project turned out AMAZING and we got really really GREAT feedback form the panel.

I added the photos later cause I felt u deserved some hotness to look at for getting through this post. Enjoy the boyz from ONE DIRECTION <3

(Also, forgive me for typos - I was too lazy to check through the long post >.<)

Peace and love,

xXx

I'm an alcoholic

Sad but true.

I am an alcoholic and I'm 20 years old. Fuck. Its bad. I dont even get sober before starting to drink again.

I'm cutting all alcohol out of my life. I can't anymore. I have no self-control and I am starting to become a hassle for the people around me. I didn't really think the situation was that bad but evidently it is.

I had a complete emotional meltdown last night. Apparently I was crying for 5 hours and I stopped breathing at times.

I need to sort my life out. I need to stop loving that stupid boy.

Wish me luck. I need it.

Tralalalala

So yeah I want to moan and bitch.

So after my ex left my best friend got back. I was in love with him for like a few years. He luckily went away for 2 years. So I kinda got over him really well. Like I had thought I had moved on. I think in the event of my ex having to leave I kinda rebounded cause "it's all coming back to me now" on the best friend. This is so depressing...

I tried so hard to get a boy to like just hang out with and be fun with cause I didn't want something too heavy soon. But now that ain't happening and I'm constantly stuck with him in conversation. And it is driving me crazy.

Queer club fail. Although I LOVE going to them I mostly feel like a fail when I get home. Older guys. No wait - OLD guys always come up to me. No young guys. I don't get it. Meh

Nway gawd...meh

Nway, the boy i wanted to add of FB. I didn't. But it is making progress IRL. I'm working on it and I think maybe something will happen. And then I have another option in the pipeline. So yeah seems I am like a slut. I'm really not.

I'm just kinda emotionally confused.

Luckily my holiday start in two weeks so I can post a shit load again and try and figure things out for myself. Hopefully u guys can give a helping hand - kekeke!

So glad the year is almost done. I need chill time. Fuck. What a year. If I look back it seems impossible to have done so much. Kinda proud. This was a good year. I am growing a lot.

Peace and love,
xXX

NEED URGENT OPINION!!!!

Okay, thanx for taking the time to read this!

There is a very cute first year boy at my university that I like. We have only spoken once thanx to the fucked up printers always breaking on our campus. DUO RAGE!

Nway, after my ex I kinda lost it a bit. I'm very lonely. And I just want to like test the waters again. Nothin serious. I can't do it again so quick. But I am kinda loosing out on fun times with cute boys.

So thing is it is really difficult to get to him. Cause eh is always with a group of friends. I know for a fact he is gay, cause I overheard him say once "my ex boyfriend". So thats settled.

Now we DO check each other out on campus, but I mean it would be to random for us to just walk up to one another and start speaking. Also i can't attend a party i think he will be at cause I have to much work. o now I wanna know:

Should I invite him on Facebook? It is almost holidays and then I'll only see him again next year Feb. Or is it too random or stalkersish? We do have like 6 friends in common.

He really seems nice.

Oh, wait just one last thing. Me and one of his kinda friends have kissed oncw ehn we were both very drunk at a party - they guy threw himself at me. So maybe it is weird. I dunno. Meh. Boyz make me stupid.

Meh

Love and peace

xXx

I'm actually a middle aged woman...

Yus. It is true.

I'm a woman.

A middle aged woman.

With a husband.

And a kid.



WTF?!



I HAVE A PENIS!!!!

BUT apparently I'm the only one that thinks so.

Okay let me start at the beginning. ATM I'm a 20 year old male. And I'm at least average looking. Though on my good days I am rather hot. Not vain. Just I work hard on my appearance mkay? I pride myself in beautiful things. I am an artist. I am a walking palette. Nway.

Well in general I have grown accustomed to like be called ma'am on the phone. My voice is rather high pitched. Not like Kurt from Glee high pitched as in singing, but rather the tone of voice is kinda light and soft. Although I can project like a mother fucker ;-p (oh the irony of that statement)

NWAY 5 times in my life it has occurred that people who are standing face to face with me have mistaken me for a woman.

First time: Bout 5 years back. I was in a restaurant. I ordered a steak. 500g. So the waiter asks: "How would u like that Mrs?" and Im like "Mrs?" And he blushes and says "Oh sorry, Miss. OMG OMG OMG MISS!

Second time: I was going though the KFC drive through. BAD BOY ME! And the woman takes my order and when I drive away she says: "Enjoy your meal Ma'am." OMG serves me right for eating junk food.

Third time: One of my gf's cousins' friends walked up to me and asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" She is about ten.

Fourth time: This weekend. The man walked up to our camp site. I was sitting up with my cousin and my young nephew. So then he asked my cousin: "Oh this must be your wife and son". OMG WTF WTF (hence title)

Fifth time: Then aftershock came in the form of the boy that greeted me this morning when the left. He must be about 8. He ran up to me, gave me a hug and said: "Good-bye aunty".

BALLS NO MORE!

Okay so here is the thing. This DOES bother me. Meh. Androgynous? And I LOVE the look. I find it very sexy yeah. But I don't have it. Like I do look like a man. Fine I am effeminate. But there is no discrepancy as to my gender.

And no It wasn't my behaviour. Like the fourth time I was sitting by the fire reading a book. So no campness. Lol pardon the pun.

I am seriously flabbergasted....

So after that rant (see last post) I spent a few hours thinking and did some research. I came across:

The Cass Identity Model is one of the fundamental theories of gay and lesbian identity development, developed in 1979 by Vivienne Cass [1]. This model was the first[citation needed] to treat gay people as "normal" in a heterosexist society and in a climate of homophobia instead of treating homosexuality itself as a problem. Cass described a process of six stages of gay and lesbian identity development. While these stages are sequential, some people might revisit stages at different points in their lives.

The six stages are as follow:

1.1 Identity Confusion
1.2 Identity Comparison
1.3 Identity Tolerance
1.4 Identity Acceptance
1.5 Identity Pride
1.6 Identity Synthesis

I have identified in what category I fall into:

Identity Pride

In the identity pride stage, while sometimes the coming out of the closet arrives, and the main thinking is "I've got to let people know who I am!". The person divides the world into heterosexuals and homosexuals, and is immersed in gay and lesbian culture while minimizing contact with heterosexuals. Us-them quality to political/social viewpoint. The task is to deal with the incongruent views of heterosexuals.

Possible responses include: splits world into "gay" (good) and "straight" (bad)—experiences disclosure crises with heterosexuals as they are less willing to "blend in"—identify gay culture as sole source of support, acquiring all gay friends, business connections, social connections.

The possible needs can be: to receive support for exploring anger issues, to find support for exploring issues of heterosexism, to develop skills for coping with reactions and responses to disclosure to sexual identity, and to resist being defensive.

It was very helpfull to me so if u want check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cass_Identity_Model

It is stage five. So kinda in retrospect it kinda puts a lot for me into perspective. I wanna thank the people who commented on my previous post.. I easily get irritated by empty advice, but what u guys wrote was of immeasurable value.

I am happy with my progress. I have spend six years (consciously) on the first four stages. And I think I'll be at stage five for quite some time still. I am thinking of starting a LGBT group at my uni. We don't have one. WTF WHY NOT?! But I'm very intimidated by the idea. I\ll have to think about it.

meh

I am mad.

Im mad at myself for drinking too much, for smoking socially, for eating too much McDonalds, for struggling to say hi to that cute boy, for not letting my ex bf sleep in my arms past 5am, for being a pussy, for having big ideas and little execution, for writing this post, for not posting more often, for wasting time on facebook, for stalking people on facebook, for not knowing how to feel about my best friend being back after a year, for sending that photo, for not getting enough sex, for not willing to sleep around to just get it, for wanting a boyfriend to hold my hand before he fucks me, for always sleeping to late, for having reason to struggle falling asleep, for being too honest and direct with people, for not living up to the expectations which i set myself. I'm mad cause I started to listen too much to pop music and indulged myself completely in white noise, for being shy, for being manipulative, for not washing the amazing car i got frequently enough. I'm mad cause like I always have to spellcheck like cause I always type it leik fml. I am mad at religion and the lies it made me believe for so long. I am mad that one can never be completely out and that even after years all u still want is approval from a fucking stranger. Im mad cause I miss him ssooo much. I am mad cause he is sooo far away. I am mad for crying too much. I am mad for playing mind games with myself. I am mad for not writing poetry anymore. I am mad cause I am mad.

Im mad and I am ungrateful. I think I'm confused.

Fuck it. Meh. Meh. meh

Crossroad

And there I was thinking the roadblocks of puberty have been crossed.

BTW as I am typing this I have Miley Cyrus' "When I look at you" playing on repeat. I think it is an amazing song.

Nway -

University has kept me from u guys. It is godly insane what s expected of us. I have such deep rooted issues with the manner in which the institution I attend is run, that I sometimes find myself hating my life for brief time - cause I made the choice to attend it. I love what I do. I just don't prefer the medium in which I gain access to it. But they are unfortunately the best. What a stupid situation.

Pressure for future. I do not know if I should study honours or not. I have an insane student loan already. But I have to complete my honours at this institution if I ever wanna do a masters degree at another institution. Some silly red tape thing. Or I can go do honours in something else like maybe journalism.

This is kinda a big choice cause it will effect what I want to do with my life. Do I wanna continue pursuing what I do now? Or do I wanna branch out. Branching out seems the smart thing to do. But it could also backfire.

I also wanna invest in a camera for myself to like kinda make money on the side. But that will cost at least a $1000 which I don't really have laying around. Spend money to make money eh?

I dunno man. Questions are spinning in my head. A vortex. I keep analysing everything and at the end of the day I just realise that nothing matters cause we will all die one day and we are running after the wind. I am not nihilistic or anything but I am just trying to figure out what my priorities are. Cause lately I have screwed up.

My (ex?) bf ?!

I don't even know what to say to that. When I fuck up I do it really bad. Basically I did something that still makes logical sense. But emotionally I kinda fucked with myself. And the other person. But with good intention. I think in the long run it makes sense still. But then I started remembering what I believe in. I believe in the now. And thus I failed myself. I betrayed my core believes. i have spoken to my boy and he understand why I did it though. I don't deserve that of him. He is so amazing. He is soooo amazing. He makes me proud almost every day.

I love u.

To top it all of. My dad is in the ICU for the past weekend. And they don't know when he will be able to come home. The human heart. Fragile in both physicality and metaphor...

I need a holiday. I need to get away and I need to be in nature. My break is almost starting and I look forward to just feel. To be and to feel and to reconnect with what matters.

Tis all for now.

Peace and love,h
xXx

FML post fail

Okay so I am sorry. I just can't do this posting regularly thing. It is too demanding and I am way too busy. i am aiming to do 10 posts a month. That seems fair.

So a lot has happened in two weeks. OMG So much! I have been busy a burning hell at uni. Incredible workload. Insane. Inhumane. And just so u know I am not lazy by any means. i was like top 5 academic achiever during my high school career. So I kinda get the working thing. I don't get how the lazy people cope.

I must say I am rather proud of myself. After my meltdown last term I have been doing a lot better. Sleep more, eating more regularly, drinking less and getting in a lot of water and vitamins. Yay me!!!!

Mom was worried bout me and the workload so when I got home a week back she redid my entire room. New carpets, New bedding, accessories for the room. It looks way much nicer. She said she wanted a nice aura for me to do the work in. So sweet. Such a darling!

Yay! We are getting a new HD 3D projector for our living room. I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED I CAN LIKE FUCK A GINGER!!! Okay wait that is offensive. Lol. Sorry. >.<

Had a party on Friday night and kinda bonded with some of my team mates. Twas epic fun. I was a bit drunk. Me and my gay gf went to gay club afterward to kinda let loose. Was yum!

Then on Saturday I joined my parents at a seaside lodge and we slept over. Had a yummy dinner and all so it was all good and well. Forgot my phone there though - so now i have to drive 45minutes to got get the damn thing. Bleh!

On Sunday i went to a very nice Cuban styled restaurant. OMG the waiter was epically hot! He seems brazilian with shoulder length str8tened hair. We flirted a lot. I even left a wink on the till slip. Silly me! Haha!

Well that is it for now. Imma catch up on some blogs.

Peace and love

xXx

Feel it. It is here.

Sigh...

I love South Africa so much.

Those of you that read my blog regularly would know that I am such a cry-baby. I kinda have happy tear syndrome. And at the moment I'm drinking a glass of SA wine - the best in the world - listening to Waka Waka and just drinking in the last few hours of an event that kinda changed my country's future.

They say we couldn't do it. They said we would not be ready.

We were. We are. Nkosi sikeleli africa ! (God bless Africa!)

We may not have the money or the surplus that most of you experience, but we have the heart and we have the soul. And for that reason I am proud. Sure we carry the debt. But you guys know what? Ubuntu! Money is material. What this meant to our nation is immeasurable!

This time for Africa, eh?!

I wish all of you could experience this time in my beautiful home country. It was such an amazing magical time filled with reconciliation and unity. Flags everywhere. Heck I can even now blow a vuvuzela! This was collectively the best month of my life. (Thanx to the special you too!)

United we stand Africa!

And I don't think we stood back for one moment! I am soooo deeply grateful for all the negative stereotypes that was broken!

It is being hailed as one of the best SWC ever to be hosted. Attendance wise it is only one of three world cups ever to have attendance numbers break the 3 million mark. Yet they said that no one would come.

There has been a lot of speculation about whether Madiba would hand over the cup. I know that he would be burning to do it. I hope he does. I know he wants to. If he does not there must be a very valid reason and the people should respect it. But come hand over time and he is there the country would erupt!

I don't even care who wins the final. Two underdog teams on the underdog continent...*smiles*

Viva Africa! The country of my scull!

PEACR LOVE AND HAPPY TEARS!!!!

xXx

PURPLE !!!

Kinda productive holiday day!

So I got up really late and decided I have to go renew my car license. So proud of myself for actually doing it in time lol! Then went to refill my ink and made an appointment at the day spa for a hair cut. Got one for 2morrow at 12.

On the way out of the computer shop (where I refilled the ink) I walked into my ex-priest lol! (Yeah, I think I should make a post about my wacky spiritual beliefs - just to kinda test ur openmindedness.) Nway, I kinda ignored him. He looked at me with empry eyes. Kinda reminded me of his empty promises.

Anyway from religion to sex. I am sooooOOoo PURPLE!!! FML!!! I totally have a hormone imbalance since my boy left. Bleh! I kinda have two willing boys lined up. But I dunno. It would only be sexytime. No emotion. And I don't know if I roll like that. Well I think my kinda-boy-who-left- would incourage me to get some. We kinda understand the situation.

I plan on making a post-SWC post as well. I am so proud of the way we hosted this event. I think we did AWESOME! But yeah, a lot of kewl statistic to give to ya. And they all said we couldn't do it ...

THIS TIME FOR AFRIXA !!!!

Peace, love and soccer balls!

xXx

Me the Narcissist

Haha! Yeah what a shocker >.<

I saw Jack did this personality disorder test. Looked well fun, so I did it too:

Disorder Rating

Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

Click HERE for the link to the test. Why not do it and then paste results on ur blog. It is kinda interesting!

Peace and love!

xXx

Str8 hate!

Seriously imma gonna indulge my stupidity for a post, cause I mean why the fuck not, right?!

So as I said i went out with my friends that I haven't seen that much recently. What a fuck up IMO!

We went to this old crummy bar. But I mean drinks are really cheap and we watched the soccer on big screen. Bleh Spain under performed IMO. So then these guys start hitting on the two girls with me. So I was kinda annoyed cause it isn't nice laid-back flirting. Rather like they take my fucking seat when I go to the bathroom. Then when I get back hey are like "U should chill we just wanna have a good time, and these are the only girls here." So I'm like "yeah okay, whatever". So after the match we leave to another place. They conveniently follow us there. Then we go sit outside - GUESS WHAT - they come sit at the table next to us and start being irritating again. Then a song starts playing and the three girls (we picked up another one on the way to the second place) wanna go dance (BTW the song was Waka Waka!!! LOVIT! >.<) So one of the guys asks me why I am going with. Then I told him I kinda have to take care of the girls. He replies "No worry, we are here". And without thinking I replied "exactly"...oops I'm such a biatch. But they were getting on my nerve. Anyway I'm getting bored writing about this. But the one gf made me go to a next place to follow them. What a nightmare!

So hence I have decided fuck str8 clubs/bars. I really only like gay bars now. Why? Cause I can go with my gf's and have a good time with them. I mean it is not that I am jealous if they get attention, but they get distracted And I can only see them once in a while so the times we do spend together I want us to actually spend together. And no, we chat beforehand as well, so it isn't like I'm oblivious to the fact that not much bonding can occur in a club. But we need to have fun and let loose. We are young ffs! Heheh!

Oh. o.O. Yeah, okay if u follow my blog for a while now, you would know that I said I don't do gay clubs. That changed the past three weeks. I went there very often. Someone special wanted to go. So we did. And I loved it. I feel at home and comfy. And the hot str8 topless barmen with ass cleavage helps haha!

Bleh! I start uni in a week. So not looking forward. Im gonna die of pressure. Meh, At least I love what I do!

Love ya guys!

Peace and love!

xXx

New look

So yeah I tried out a new design. I think it still looks shit. But better than before. Lol!

So the world cup is turning out interesting. I was devastated with the exit of Ghana tonight. It would have meant so much for Africa if they won. Bleh!

Nway I'm so behind with blog reading that I should rather do that than waste time writing nonsense.

I am going out tomorrow night with some friends. So that will be nice since I haven't seen some of them for a while.

I want u guys to check out this kewl blog. He has made numerous posts, but he isn't getting a lot of traffic. I think it is worth ur time. Why not just pop in and decide for urself?

http://eye-m-bi.blogspot.com

Nway smell ya later!

Peace and love!!!

xXx

See you soon

Letter to my dearest friend and lover.

Dear Bibi

As I am typing this my eyes are filled with the memories and love that built up inside me over the past six months.

I am crying, baby. Not because I am sad only, but because I feel blessed that I had the incredible miracle of playing some part in your life.

I feel so proud that I know someone as amazingly smart, caring and fun as you. You have changed my life and I can say with confidence that I have altered yours. You will forever be with me as I carry you in my heart of hearts.

Although time will come as a blessing in disguise and heal us of one another as space will drift between, this I promise you my dear sweet habibi...the love and understanding that we share will stand the test of time.

You may think that I have shown you the path, but I assure you that you have changed my entire course. I let you know that I love you and you obliged without hesitation. But I never did allow myself to indulge you with my true feelings as I understood that the inevitable departure would be too much to bare.

I want you to always remember the little time we had and never let anyone put you down. Be kind as you always are and teach them not through words, but by your amazing example.

I will see you again my doux bebe. Up until then I will live life to its fullest as to enrich myself for our next meeting.

It was truly a privilege and a pleasure spending time with you.

I love you with all my heart and all my soul.

Your taatie-teef

P.S I want you to read this poem by Robert Frost as it reminds me of you...

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


xXx