8

I fucking hate spiders!

I have this irrational morbid phobia.

I start to cry and overreact when I see one - even if I know it is harmless.

I hate spiders. The most disgusting thing ever. Rather give me a snake. (No, not that, u dirty fucker ;-P)

I had one in my room today. I had to get my mom to come kill it. It is sooo gross I am still quite depressed.
I keep on itching everywhere bleh bleh bleh!

NWAY!

Had a nice dvd night wiht some friends last night. Was very productive and so on.

Tonight I am planning to go out with some of my other friends - including one that came back from holiday today. Should be fun! (If I can get the hairy fucking spider imagine that is now ingrained in my mind out of my smexy little head FML!)

The itsy bitsy spider climbed...SQUASH!!!

DIE YOU FUCKING FREAK!
MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHH!!!!!

Peace, love and poison

P.S. No actual dirty gross spiders were harmed during the making of this post

xXx

Gonna get dressed. Pun intended?

Hey all you amazing people!!!

So yesterday I had such a nice day! I slept in late and then met up with a gf at the mall to do some serious shopping!!!

Once again I have to note that I was being totally stupid about the good reaction I got when coming out. I think it was just aftershock. I am now completely over it. I reread some of the horror coming out stories and I just kinda realised even more how extremely fortunate I am. I mean others come out and they are disowned and here I am and my parents give me money a week after I come out to go buy myself pink shirts lol!

Anyway so I don't really do marathon shopping. When I see something nice I would buy it, but I needed to get new clothes to fit my new life! So I ended up with 5 nice t-shirts, 4 long-sleeve shirts, a kewl hoody and a pair of jeans. I think I need some more jeans, but we were so tired Ill go do that at another time!

I love having new clothes. it makes me feel confident and sexy! A very good combination. I like looking nice and being trendy!

Ahhhh wait even better news. My hair stylist (that's what he calls himself) left some time ago to go work in another city. This was like three months ago. So I have never been to anyone else cause I was depressed and scared about going to a new hair dresser lol! I am very fussy about my hair. Anyway I learnt yesterday that he came back! He wasn't happy with the long commute. So YAY ME! I am gonna try and make an appointment for 2morrow!

Here comes the pun part: I was on my way home after shopping and cocktails. So mom asked me to go to KFC to get food for my grandma and grandpa who lives in a flat with us. So I go though the KFC drive through and the woman is like "What would u like MA'AM?" WFT WFT WFT WFT WFT WFT! This is the 3rd time in my life this has happened! To add insult to injury she added: "Have a nice day, Ma'am!" OMG I was soooo upset for like 5minutes. But then I just realizes it shouldn't affect me this much. I mean I really do not look like a woman. I really don't and I am not insecure about this. I just do not get what they are on about!

Nway got home though on some of the new clothes to go to dinner. Was feeling great! Had a lovely dinner with the rents and then when I came home I caught the BCC Comedy Fest on. LEE EVANS IS A COMEDY GOD!!!!!!

Oooohhh, before I go - I have a dress up pardy soon. We have to like dress up as a animation character/Disney character. I am thinking of like maybe going as Peter Pan? What do u guys think? Any other suggestions?

That's all for now folks.

Peace, love and laughter,

P.S. Welcome Bi-Alan

xXx

HOTTEST HUNKS 2009

Ey so again today started at a slow pace and was very relaxed!

Gee I have such a wonderful life for which I am very thankful!

Got dressed and went out with one of my dearest gf's for cocktails and Mexican platters. It was really nice. She was speaking to me also of her issues with her bf. Meh I am starting to think they have no nope. Wud sux to see their relationship of so many years just...end.

Anyways just as we were about to leave I saw my parents entering the restaurant. HOW WEIRD?! Was very surprised to see them and vice verse. So my gf said it is fine if i wanna stay and so I did. Score another cocktail and some calamari. Twas nice....

Then I was suppose to go out to a club, but meh, didn't like the people that went so I decided to stay home wiff mom and dad and watch a music concert DVD. It was a very good SA production with high production value. I was quite impressed!

So now I am about to go to bed. Just wanted to keep ya guys up to speed.

Peace and love....

Nah okay I'm only kidding here follows my list of 2009's HOTTEST HUNKS!!!!

(Keep in mind 2009 - I wil release this year's version later on)

Top 25 - 2009

25 Dan Carter
24 Brad Pitt (YEAH GET OVER IT!!!)
23 Shane West
22 Paul Walker
21 Ryan Reynolds

20 Eric McCormack
19 Christiano Renaldo
18 Enrique Iglesias
17 Adam Lambert
16 Orlando Bloom

15 Jesse McCartney
12 Josh Duhamel
13 Leonardo DiCaprio
12 James Franco
11 Daniel Radcliffe

TOP TEN

10 Ashton Kutcher
9 Emile Hirsch
8 Robert Pattinson
7 Gael Garcia Bernal
6 Johnny Depp

THE TOP FIVE

5 DAVID BECKHAM

4 ZAC EFRON

3 KEVIN ZEGERS

2 JOE JONAS

AND THE WINNER IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS

The new life dawns

Okay okay yeah I am still on about the coming out thingy.

I am still in shock that it went so good. And the I feel guilty for ever doubting my family. Meh I think it is just weird for me to like be on the phone today and tell a boy I think that guy is cute or that guy isn't and not have to care who hears or speak in hushed tones. FML it is amazing. It is so nice and relaxed. No more paranoia.

I decided I will not like make my orientation know to the extensive public. If someone asks I will tell them, but I do not want my orientation to become the most interesting part of me. Ya know? Cause it really isn't...

I have recently added some kewl blogs to my "Must reads' section so be sure to check them out!

Oe I am so excited: I am going camping on Monday - Wednesday. I love camping and being in nature, Can't wait to get out there and get crunked by a fireplace. Imma bake a bread over the fire. Yay!!!!

Please remember that I made a formspring so feel free to ask me any questions. Bleh I only have four so it is kinda embarrassing haha!

I recently discovered my annual hottest dude list for 2009 in my sent items so I thought that I would publish that as tomorrow's post. So be sure to check in!!!!

P.S Welcome Jack and Chrissie!

Love sex and magic

xXx

Some reflections on: (my) coming out

So as most of u read by now I came out to my mom. Im kinda out to my dad in the sense that my mom said she is going to tell him soon and he will accept it and treat me like always. So I am not even stressed about it, cause I mean...there isn't much that can go wrong, is there?

This paragraph was edited in after I reread my post: It seems like I have some issues accepting the smoothness of my coming out. I was so prepared to defend myself and fight for my own. And now I am standing on a battlefield facing my family. I have a sword and they have open arms. I am feeling guilty, I think... What twisted irony...I am sure I am not the only one that has experienced this after coming out?

BACK TO ORIGINAL POST:

Mmm so how do I feel? I am not really elated. I am relieved though....

(OMG GUNSHOTS JUST WENT OFF OUTSIDE MY HOUSE HOW SCARY EECK >,<)

NWAY, as I said I am relieved. I feel like I liberated myself and I can breath easier, sleep deeper and so forth. It is like it should be.

PLEASE DON"T MISUNDERSTAND!!! I am not being blazé over my amazing family and their easy-to-gain acceptance.

I am very fortunate and lucky

AND LOVED!

It's like a reporter in my country once said, should people feel lucky to be alive after a murder attempt or be angry cause there was an attack in the first place?

I guess beggars can't be choosers?

I mean geez if my family rejected me I would not have been very fond of them anymore. I mean fuck: why would I be the bad guy if they are the ones creating injustice?

I am so glad they are sooo amazing, cause if they where biased and judgemental it would have been like a cancer that spread through them and they would have died to me with time...

We must continue on our path to liberate ourselves in society.

I want to thank all of the bloggers for their immense support, comments, emails etc. It was really helpful and much appreciated. You guys really rock!!!!

I hope u will keep following me on my journey as an out and about young bi man on his way to conquering the world!

Peace love and pink flag!

P.S Welcome to my new followers: Tommy and Wayner. (I have an additional two, but I am not sure who they are. If you know who u are lol just leave a shout out in the comment section for me.)

P.S.S There is no weirdness whatsoever between me and mom. It is like it never happened!

xXx

Joshua

Cue Diana Ross: The coming out post

I DID IT!

I AM OFFICIALLY OUT TO MY MOM!

It didn't work out as planned. When i woke there were builders in her bedroom and she had taken her lunch earlier today. For like the first time in history. So I was like "fuck thou gravity" in my head of course. So I was soaking wet - had just showered and washed my hair. So I took her to my room. Said "please sit". I gave her the letter. Told her "please read" . Then I went out of the room and said "ah please it is not a big deal I am gonna go dry my hair, I will be back". So I gave it like three minutes and afterwards I knocked on my door and asked "can I come in?" She said "yes". So I went in and asked "and?" She said "I don't have a problem with it" And then she just confirmed that she thought it for the last 3-4 years cause of a event that happened in my past. And she thinks I am in love with my best guy friend.I told her "that was in the past". So I asked her if she is disappointed and she said "no, I understand that u are born that way and it is your choice." So I told her it is not a choice and so on. "Please just don't commit suicide" she said. And I was like "dude I told u in the letter I am happy. Now what are we having for dinner". "we are going to a braai. BTW I first wanna speak to you again before speaking to ur father. He will accept it though. I am most worried about your brother"

Haha fuck my brother.

BIG FAT SMILE ON MY CHEEKY LITTLE FACE!

Coming out: Part two

Okay so don't be upset with me.

I didn't do it...yet.

I went to my mom's room during her lunch break. The letter in my pocket. So I layed down next to her on the bed and looked at her as she was pageing throught the newspaper, blissfully unaware of my intent. I put a blacket over me cause it was so cold and so I closed my eyes and just took everything in. The smell of her perfume which she had just applied. A mother's scent. And then...

I fell asleep.

FML! Lol!

When I woke she had gone back to work.

So I kinda freaked out. Such a paradox waking up in such peace and then a few seconds later to be frozen cold with the realization of what I must still face.

So I chickened out in a way.

I plucked up the courage to show my cousin the letter and she was laughing at it the entire time Not in a mean way. But I kinda have a way of being humourous without trying. So bleh thats my style. She knows abouot me for a few months now already and is very kewl about it.

So I aksed her if I should give the letter. And she said yes. I asked her have my parents ever said anything indicating a sense of suspicion. She said yes. They have spoken about it for years. At first apparently they thought I was gay, but lately they have been stressing about me maybe brining a black girl home. Now know they arn't rasict, but in SA the culture thing would be very diffucult. If I like marry a Xhosa girl I would have to pay lebola and go through cultural rituals and stuff like that.

So in the end I am not bringing home someone of a different culture and neither am I gay. Lol so their two worst fears like kinda isn't becoming a reality. So me saying I'm bi is like a bit more easy for them to digest eventually. Or at least this is what I am thinking. Yes? (Hahah Wayner I know what u are gonna say! ;-))

And what is kewlest about this all is that my mom has apparently said in the past that if I eventually do come out she would still love me as always and so forth. So thats very nice to hear. I won't be disowned and I won't be put out of the house or be cut of financially. That kinda makes it A HELLUVA LOT EASIER on me as u might imagine.

So what is making me a bit bummed is that they have left the responsibility in my hands. Why must I come out to them? Why couldn't they just have asked me? I would not have lied. FML. I guess it is my burden to carry for now.

So I have decided to give the letter to my mom tomorrow in her lunch break and just say: "Hey, just read this. Don't worry it is not as bad as u thought. Lol. And please don't make a big deal of this. Cause it isn't really a big deal to me. I will be in my room if u need anything"

And that will be me coming out. I have tasked her in the letter to like tell my dad in her own way if she deems it fit. So I don't have to worry about it. Yay. I would not be able to face him. In my family dynamic this is the best way.

SO yeah this will prolly be one of the last posts that I make as a closeted 20 year old. (OMG I'm 20 FML!)

Wish me luck!

P.S. Thank you all so much for all the posts of support and the emails. It means a lot to me and it really is making things a lot less difficult, cause I know there are people out there that is on my side.

Peace, love and pink flags

xXx

709 COMING OUT

Short and sweet.

Thats how the long the letter is to my mommy.

Fuck me.

Fuck her life hihi

Maybe by the time u read this I have given it to her.

Maybe I have chickened out.

I am a wreck as u would imagine. But fuck it I am nothing special so don't' worry.

Have a nice day.

Mwah

Peace and love.

xXX

Mac 2.0 Idol

Oukei...

So my Mac recently turned two months old. Awww congratz baby!

Anyway...I was thinking of asking u guys, especially other Mac users, what kewl apps/widgets they use and would recommend. Also just out of interest, what word processor do u guys use?

So u guys know I love American Idol and what not. Bleh fml. Anyway. Tim Urban is getting really good. And no it's not cause I think he is like super hot. He kinda came into his own the past two weeks. I think in contrast with cutteeeee Aaron who is not doing himself justice.

Meh atm I think Bowersox is my fav and Siobhan. Tim, Aaron and Casey are also kewl. So they are my top 5. Lee and Michael are very good, but I can't seem to connect with them so bleh there they go...

So next episode is inspirational songs. Should be kewl. Looking forward to the Idol Gives Back show. Alotta kewl names in the lineup

Peace and love

xXx

Got me ass squeezed

So

What a lazy ass day. Got up really late. Took a shower in my new shower! Yay it is soooooo nice it has like three different settings - from where the water can spray. I lovit! I love taking showers. Do it up to three times a day. shower that is hihihi! So I will be spending lots of time in there...

I then went to a club. It was lame so we went to another one. It closed down. WTF! So went to yet another one. It is kinda nice. I just wasn't in the mood in the first place. I get into a different gear when it is Winter. Hibernation lol! I just want wine, a crackling fireplace, blankets, DVD's and something to cuddle!

AH but yay! On my way out of the club. Someone grabbed my ass. No squeezed it. It was such a nice grope I didn't even mind. Cause, fuck, if u can do it that proper then ur okay in my book lol!

SMILE = Yay me!!

So yeah thats all good...

Peace and love

xXx

Yes me..again!

Eya!

Please note that this is the second post of the day.

I just wanted to let u guys know that I have set up a formspring. So ask away.

Questions will be judged by merit. If there will be any lolz!

http://www.formspring.me/JoshuaDreamer

Peace and love

xXX

Bring on the bloggers!

Ey guys!

I was thinking of doing a post on the fellow bloggers. A lot of the blogs that I have followed for the past few months are no longer active or has little to no interaction.

If you follow my blog on a regular basis u will know by now which blog I really do find fun to follow. I am not gonna make this an add on my behalf, so if u wanna know feel free to browse trhough my old posts or check my must reads.

I was actually hoping that you guys would, as a comment, suggest to me your favourite blogs. Please keep it to a maximum of say 5 blogs. If you really want more u can obviously post more. Or even if you only want to paste one.

And guys, this is not a self-promoting exercise lolz! (But if you are new to blogworld, yeah okay give the link, if it is kewl I will add it to my must reads)

I am really not interested in porn or picture blogs adn therfore ask that u do not mention these.

Looking forward to a lazy weekend to top off a lazy week. I shall hoepfully find inspiration to post more.

Also, I know I have been silent iregarding comments, but know I am still reading your blogs.

Love, peace, qwerty

xXx

And now the end is near

Bleh!

My last post must have been very boring. Since i started blogging I have always received at least one comment lol!
Meh, this is prolly my fault since I am not posting that often...

Anywayz, the SWC is drawing closer with only two months left before kick off. I still owe Midnight a post about it so I will post some of it now.

Well firstly, i have read a lot about international concern regarding safety. Well I can't contradict statistics, but I do think they are making a lot of fuss about nothing.

I have had a lot of overseas friends coming here and then commenting on their departure on how they were so stressed about it and then after being here states that "down town New York is much worse". So there ya have it lolz. Take form it what u will.

All the structures are basically in place. Minour finishing touches to be made. Especially road wise. Accommodation is sorted. I am just concerned about public transport, but they claim that all will working smoothly. I am a sceptic on this account.

Otherwise, we have a lot of cynical people saying this is so stupid, annoying and will end in embarrassment. Maybe. But I think it will be great. I love the vibe and the cultural exchange. So I can't wait for it! I hope to attend a match!

I think even the big sceptics are in a way gonna have fun. I mean if u check what good effect such sport events have had on my country in the past... (think 1995 Rugby World Cup) ...although I don't think our national soccer team will match the Springboks' performance....NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT more like it hihi!

Going to the Apple store tomorrow to check out some hardware I want. So that will be kewl. And gonna go for a stroll in the waterfront. Then imma gonna have a braai tomorrow evening with some friends. CAN'T WAIT!

Peace, love

xXx

Take the red pill

I just watched two documentaries.

1. Religulous - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religulous
2. The Zeitgeist Addendum - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeitgeist_addendum#Zeitgeist:_Addendum

FML!!!

I am reeling from the info that I was presented with.

Have any of u seen any of this? This is intense shit. I mean yeah sure, Religulous is by far the inferior production and very subjective. But hey: subjective is effective.

I just don't get why in the Zeitgeist Addendum they used the "brainwashing" techniques lol. They had facts in abundance. The implementation of these effects kinda made me question the validity of the facts presented. Surely someone should have considered this undesired outcome/effect on an audience.

Anyway. I am very spiritual. Love, music, and nature is my religion. But still Religious kinda did have an impact on me. I think today was the nail in the coffin for me concerning religion.

Zeitgeist Addendum: I am one of those hippies that would support a projects like this. When I watched Sicko I thought I was disgusted, but this is a whole entirely new level of discontent.

I feel perverted.

What have we done?

I am wary always of such "conspiracies", but one has to admit the appeal of such a concept such as Zeitgeist.

I do not think we will be able to save ourselves. People will never change. We need a redo. Unfortunately life doesn't come with a reset button....

On a brighter note:

Welcome back to : Tim and LonelyBoy

Glad to ahev u guys back!!!!

Peace and love

xXx

Life in frame

I just love film.

Every aspect of it is sooo amazing. I think it is truly the ultimate collaboration of art.

Wowgasm!!!!

So interesting to think the only discipline that defines film is the art of editing. The only new addition.
Some people feel the only time a movie is made is during post production editing.

I think I may agree here to some extent.

I dunno if u guys follow Daily Dan's blog, but at the moment it is truely awesome to read. If u have time go read the last 5 or so posts. I bet u will be smiling!!!! Go Dan!!!

In other news. I think we are entering the Winter season. Our rain is late by the traditional Easter weekend rainfall so I am waiting upon the showers to come and wash away all the dirt of Summer.

Ah living the life....

P.S. Welcome to Tommy

Peace and love,

xXx

Back to black

This week I have had an amazing time.

I really did learn a lot about myself. I think the most important thing that I discovered about myself is that I am kinda really into being in a relationship situation. It makes a lot of sense to me.

I have also gotten a lot of slack form various friends saying that I am gay. Not in a confrontational way. They all think I am gay and I am just using bisexuality as a way of desensitising them. Geez ffs! I am bi. I get hard for women. That cannot make me gay. Gay guys do not get hard for a vagina. Anyway, the whole concept of using bi as a way of phasing people into one being gay is illogical. Think about it. Bisexuality is much more intricate and unexpected. People do not understand and acknowledge it. So why on earth would I use that as a smoke screen? I know some of u might disagree with me, but honestly idk.

This week something very stupid happened in my country. Eugene Terrblanche, the leader of the AWB, a bunch of ignorant racists, was murdered on his farm. What makes this more interesting is that Julius Malema, one of the biggest conundrums to grace the earth ever, was singing a "struggle song" which incites killing white farmers (because they are cowards and rapists). the previous day. Earlier the week the court stated that it was unconstitutional to sing this song in RSA any longer. This was done after Julius was singing it a few times in the recent past. So Julius went to Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe and sang it there the day before Terrblanches' murder. This guy is the epitome of entertainment. I am growing more and more and more upset and even a bit worried. Racial tension in this country is entering a new phase. I hope this doesn't blow up before the soccer world cup takes place.

Anyway here are links to the Malema and Terrblanche dudes. A bit of RSA 101:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julius_Malema

(He must be my least favourite person on the planet BTW)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugene_Terreblanche

Smell ya later!

Peace, love and prayers!

xXx

P.S. Hope those of u who celebrate Easter had a wonderful weekend. The rest of u hope u aren't fat of all the chocolate!